How to escape my pathetic crushes.....

[PatheticDistraction]

I'll start by saying that life has been pretty tough the past few years, my one surviving parent has dementia and requires round the clock care, and my 5 year old son has profound autism. Because of this, we upped sticks and moved to be closer to family, and live in a rural area which much better suits my son's needs.

It is incredibly lonely for me, my husband has friends in the area, and has hobbies he can attend 3 times a week - I encourage this because life is hard on both of us. Unfortunately because of my son's needs we can't use a babysitter and have looked unsuccessfully for someone with experience in SEN to help out. This means we rarely get time just the 2 of us, and days with our son are very restricted due to his needs. To cut a long story short, there is very little I enjoy about my life. It actually fills me with panic envisaging my future.

Which brings me on to my real issue. Over the past few months I've started living increasingly in my head, imagining scenarios where I go out and meet people, imagine conversations I might have, parties I might go to - inevitably where I look great, and don't resemble the dowdy, overweight, late thirties person I actually am - with nothing but EHCPs and PIP applications to talk about.

I love my husband, and have never been unfaithful - I have tried really hard in the past to improve the connection between us, but I often get rebuffed by a joke or similar and it really knocks my confidence, pathetic as it is I am desperate for attention and companionship. He has never really responded to me talking about this.

Recently I met a local man in passing (in his mid twenties 😩) he was friendly to me for the 10 minutes we spent talking, and now I just spend my day imagining what life would like if we were together. Evidently he would have absolutely zero interest in me in reality, and nothing would happen. Thinking about him is like escapism - but I know it is damaging my relationship, and that is my priority - I would never cheat on my husband.

If anyone has any advice on how to break this cycle I would love to hear it. I know I should be looking at developing my own interests etc, but our circumstances and location make that very difficult. I just feel that the only I life I have that is worth living is the one I have in my head.

Hi op I am sorry you are unhappy.

One bit that stood out was this ‘I often get rebuffed by a joke or similar and it really knocks my confidence, pathetic as it is I am desperate for attention and companionship. He has never really responded to me talking about this.’

Please can you give examples as this may change peoples responses.

I think my husband finds it very difficult to talk meaningfully about anything, and so often responds to me by making a joke, which really diminishes me and makes me feel as though I am a joke to him. This also happens when I try to instigate sex or just affection - and I find it quite demoralising I guess.

If I ever do tell him how I feel, he accuse me of being constantly depressed and negative - but I just need to feel heard.

Shamelessly bumping.....

I think you know what you need to do is improve your life (appearance, hobbies, exercise, diet, social life, goals, projects). Inappropriate crushes because you're not in a good place and lonely.

It's an escape. I used to do the same when I was miserable in my 'real' life, it was only when I changed my life that it stopped. Do you have any friends or family beside your husband you can confide in?

I would NOT confide in others!! You will move on and forget but they will forever remind you!
And you risk them telling your dh. NO no.No
Once you have shaken up your routine and started doing fun and useful things your self confidence will increase and you will automatically think less and less of crushes. It's the sitting around or going through life empty like a zombi that makes you obsessed with crushes going nowhere.