Leaving someone you love

[Beach87]

I’ll try to keep it concise and not drip feed. Ive been with my DH for 15 years and we have young DDs. For the last few years it’s been quite up and down as I’ve felt that a lot is left to me with our DD and home, when I’ve asked for help it’s promised and hasn’t been given and changes have been made but not kept to so a lot of resentment has built up. Over the past year it’s improved a bit but I still do the vast majority.

But more recently I’ve realised that he has completely different priorities to me and will put himself first even when it means that me and our DDs then miss out. This has meant he ends up lying to do what he wants and that I often have to make the sacrifices for our DDs so that they don’t entirely miss out. This often leads to arguments and tension in the home and he promises things will be different or he won’t do it again but inevitably does.

I’ve come to the point where I don’t trust him and I’m deeply unhappy. I feel like my gut instinct is telling me to leave but I’m incredibly sad as I still love him and I’m finding it hard to let go of what things could have been like. Has anyone ever experienced this or have any words of wisdom?

I feel your pain. I also have a DH who lies, who promises to change etc. It doesn’t change and the resentment grows. And you go mad wondering if it’s you.
Free yourself, I intend to.

It’s very difficult if you raise issues and promises to address it aren’t followed through. In such a circumstance its no wonder your trust is gone. Also communicates your needs don’t matter. Sucks big time. You either need to accept this is it or if nothing improves will need to plan your exit. Sucks big time. Sometimes it’s decided not because you don’t love them enough but because (given behaviour a language) they clearly don’t.

I lived with an utterly selfish ex for 17 years. He did what he wanted when he wanted. He did not give a monkeys.

You've given him enough warning and if he can prioritise himself so should you!

If he wanted to, he would.

I think most men are like this unfortunately. vert selfish and priorities them self.

I'm in a similar situation, I know it won't get better but it's hard to leave.

My situation was very different to yours, but I have left someone I loved very much, due to his unfair behaviour. For me, the first 6 months were hard, I really missed him. I asked him not to contact me but he did, which made things harder, however, I never allowed him back into my life.
One year on, I am happily single. I could easily be in exactly the same situation. He wouldn't have left me, as he was 'onto a good thing'. I am proud of myself for walking away, but it's not easy. Hopefully, you have a good support network - I didn't/don't, but when times were bad I really wished I had!

Thank you for all your responses
@RedRock41 and @FedUpMumof10YO i agree with you; I do believe that he loves me but also that he will always put himself first and that his way of loving me is not enough