Telling our child tonight -separation and divorce

[RamsaysBitchinNightmares]

Our DD10 is super loving and super clingy to both of us, more so to her dad.
She's very sensitive and emotional, especially with onset of puberty.

Anyway, me and my husband are telling her this evening that we are separating.

I don't want to tell her too much and both of us will still live in the house for now due to finances and mortgage, I'll just be moving to the spare room which I'm absolutely fine with.

Any advice on telling her? Things to say/not say?

I really wouldn’t say much at all. A joint talk with her makes it all look/feel really scary imo. If you’re staying in the house that’s really confusing for her if she also knows that you’re divorcing. Can you not just say that you both want a bit more space so you’re going to stay in your own rooms for now & drip feed more as you get things sorted?

Keep heart. I did this and it is so hard but years on the children are fine and sorted and everyone does their best. You'll get through this. Good luck

If your still in the same house for know why tell her couldn't you both just gradually tell her when one of you are moving out the family home. I say this due to experience same situation but whenever my child seen me and dad talking and getting along she thought in her mind mummy and daddy are OK x

I agree with @princessconsuelobananahammock - maybe just that you both need a bit of space from one another and so you’ll be in separate rooms.
Good luck with it all 💐

Did you tell them OP? We're currently in still living together (separate rooms) and decided not to say anything until there is an exit plan, hopefully soon as this phase is awful!! If you had the chat, hope it went well

Don't need to tell just right now and in one go. It will be confusing for her if you are still living together.
Just act normal, mums new bedroom. Dad is looking for his new house, etc etc.

Will be better if she is coping with the little changes one at the time.

We didn't tell her tonight. She's not well and we just felt it wasn't right.

I have read all your posts and I agree. I think we say we need space and phase the situation in bit by bit.

Her dad is of the opinion that we tell her the truth in its entirety. His parents are still together. Mine divorced around her age so I remember the feelings and I don't want her to go through that. I don't think he gets it.

We will both be moving out and selling up our family home this year.

This is so hard 😞

We are separated but living in the same house for the foreseeable future because our finances is a very complex concept for a child.

One thing at the time will be better.

I think you’re doing the right thing. I really don’t understand why some people think kids can handle the truth in its entirety when they are not able to really understand most of what is said. They have no frame of reference yet for ‘romantic’ love, or falling in/out love. It just won’t make sense to her, especially if the water is muddied by being in the same house & (hopefully) getting on ok. I work with kids & a lot of this stuff comes out at school. Some kids are told far too much, I’m sure with the best intentions, but it’s too much for them. They’re not mini-adults. I also hate the ‘big reveal’ moments, it makes such a big deal of things that are hard enough as it is. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but I’m sure it’s for the right reasons.

Sending you strength. It is so hard and so tough. You just need to make your way through. You'll come out the other side and see happiness again, in a different form.

We told her the following day and I have started sleeping in the spare room.
We basically told her that me and her dad need some space but we are still friends. She went silent and drew sad faces and wrote some things down but we have just ensured that even though I'm sleeping in a different room we will still eat together and live together, she will still go to her clubs and school and have time with us together and separately.

I took her out today for shopping and dinner. We had a nice walk and we briefly spoke about things but she then stopped the conversation and said she doesn't want to talk about it.

She's processing it all in her own way and we will do our best to keep her happy.

Thank you everyone for the advice and support

Hope you are doing ok. What a hard time for you. It all takes such a long time to work through, but you will do it and get to much happier days.

Things are ok at the moment.
Me and her dad have established our separate rooms and she will come in and sit with us or we all sit together in the living room.
She had a cry last week saying she thought it was her fault. I told her the truth, it's nobody's fault and definitely not hers.
It will take time for her to believe that though.
It does mean that she sees the bigger picture without us having said it.