Sharing money and working hours

[incomeout]

We have lived together for 10 years and have two children but are not married. We have a mortgage and currently split all bills equally on a 50/50 split.

Earnings are broadly similar in terms of take home pay - I generally bring home up to £100 more per month, but this is offset by his annual bonus.

I work part time for my equivalent pay and he works full time.

It's a great set up all fine and dandy.

He would like to reduce his hours which would obviously reduce his take home pay.

Question - should we continue as above with 50/50 split of the bills or should I then pay more bills as I will be earning more? (With us both then working approximately the same amount of hours)

Think that should be enough info for you all to make a broad judgement and I'm very interested to know your stance so I can decide whether it is reasonable of me to encourage his reduction in hours and financial support to do so.

Thanks

32 hours part time versus 9 hours

and you don’t think this would be relevant?

children’s ages…. what your time not working looks rather different if the children are babies / school age / teens / young adults

It is very strange you don’t seem to think these aspects are relevant

I think if you're earning more on the same/slightly less money then put all the money into the 'pot' together, then both get equal spending money

Some people do that by doing a % split which would have you paying more yes. For me that would be fair

@withthischoice And you need to know why we haven't married on order to provide your view on this thread because ......

I didn't realise the reason for reducing hours would make that much of a difference to the response.

It is surprising that you thought this, very in fact

Yes, I think it means you pay a slightly higher proportion of the household costs.

People are asking why because if he wants a lot more personal time off for himself only (which happens), and it makes it financially difficult for you, then he perhaps should be challenged on that, as it would feel unfair to place you in a difficult position.

But if he is finding longer weeks harder work as he gets older, especially as it’s manual work, and he will be using the extra time in a similar way to how you use yours (mix of family and personal??) and it’s all affordable, then yes, you increase your share. We just have one big pot so when my DH dropped hours, the upshot was I would have been paying more proportionally. But we share spending money etc as well, and it was all affordable.

ok i continue to explain why questions are relevant

if you hadn’t married because you had had a very difficult relationship with lots of ups and downs…. he might be wanting to go part time to reduce future financial commitments for example.

or… you or he weren’t happy and had refused to marry and wanted to keep finances separate as always had foot in the door

Because marriage infers legal status on your finances, assuming them to be shared?
Or because maybe one of you has previously refused to get married specifically to protect your financial independence from the other?

Can you honestly not see how context is relevant?

I think establishing if a reduction in hours is because its needed eg health issues, childcare or if it is just because he wants to have time to himself.

The former, people might advise you to pay more into to family pot for the later, just have equal shares as he has the ability to work more.

Personally, I'd just work it all out on a spreadsheet and see what the family can afford...

It's really what works for you and your husband.
Can you, as a family, afford less income?
Would you be happy to club your money together and view it as one pot rather than who earns what.
If him reducing hours means less money for you - are you OK with this?
If it means less money for him only - is he OK with that?

This is one of the oddest Op i can recall.

No questions allowed it would seem!

If it’s for child care or illness then yes you should pay more

if he just want to work less hours because he Cba they why should you bank roll him

It's not just about equalizing monthly and/or day to day financial contributions. What about childcare, housework etc. As well as pensions and other investments.

All this gets more complicated if you are not married. Trying to keep everything equal and/or equitable requires planning.

And the reasons for wanting to reduce hours and what he'll do with the extra time is definitely crucial.

Also, not having got around to it seems an odd reason not to get married. A registry wedding costs about £200.

Depends if he reduces his hours out to work but increases his hours at home doing cleaning and childcare school drop offs etc. if he will then yes, if not then no.

This is it in a nutshell.

Thank you.

I felt like it was the fair thing to do to support him work one less day per week. I spread my days over the whole week so no actual days off for me despite working less hours.

Sharing the financial impact of his reduced hours will make it much more viable than if he had to bear this cost himself.

He does his fair share of house stuff on weekends so would be a mix of getting ahead with that and any personal time before the children are home from school.

@rwalker

I get your point but how is it fair that I've worked part time for the last 10 years and he has had to work full time. I guess I just want it to be fair. I know on here you usually get a different response depending of it is a male or female asking the question and someone has already alluded to that on this thread.

If you can afford it, I think it’s a great idea for him to work one less day a week. 45 hours per week is excess of full time hours to me ( nhs worker so full time is 37.5). Your dp will have a better work life balance dropping a day. I would offer to pay a bit more of the joint expenses, as long as it is very doable without too much impact on your own finances.

why did you go part time? presumably for childcare reasons before tour children started school?

If he can afford to go part-time then why not. Think bills should be split proportionally. As both part time the child care/ pick ups life admin should be split 50-50 if u working same amount of hours..

This sounds great. You sound very mutually supportive - my setup is similar, we know we have each others backs and we want to help each other and do the best for us as a family. Not everyone has a setup like this, so don’t get annoyed with the questions of others - they’ve been looking out for you.

Best of luck with it all.

Yes, my DH took on a larger percentage of the bills inc mortgage when I reduced my hours and he was paid more.

It works both ways.

@Talipesmum

Thanks again for the perspective around the questions and that does make sense from the negative posts we see on here where one partner maybe trying to take advantage of the other. I guess the questions were an attempt to see if something like that could be going on here.

You might find that his drop in hours isn't as much of an impact on bring home pay as you think, as it might be less tax & nat insurance etc. Work into the budget AVCs into his pension so he still gets one based on full time contributions if you can run to this.
A fairer way might for you both to work 3.5 or four days and you put your salaries into one pot so the conversation moves away from should I put in more etc and you can focus on the better quality of life you'll have if you are both off together.

Split bills equally. I don't care what he does but he needs to contribute the same amount.

Someone can't just choose to reduce their take home pay.

You should be putting in full time equivalent conts to pension too if you can afford it of course.

I couldn't disagree more nhe can't unilaterally decide, that but is right, but if they're a partnership then the impact and decision is joint.