Is he just after one thing?

[Callie21]

I need some advice please as I'm not sure whether I'm just worried from my previous abusive relationship or whether there's red flags.

I've been on 3 dates with this guy and so far everything seems good - we have a lot in common, we find eachother attractive and it seems like we have the same values. We have good chats about things but nothing overly deep about personal lives. We've discussed what happened with our exes but nothing to in detail. We talk everyday but when he goes out with his mates he doesn't really keep contact.

On the first date we went for a drink - we kissed, 2nd date we watched a film at his - kissed but nothing else and 3rd date we went bowling - just kissed. He said from the start he has a 4th date rule as he wants to find something genuine.

He's very flirty and has made it clear that he fancies me and wants to be physical, I feel the same but I'm so worried that we'll sleep together and then he'll lose interest. I'm not sure whether I'm overthinking things but I just don't want to get anymore invested to be hurt.

TIA

I think he sounds sweet. I'm assuming there's no red flags, and hopefully not too much "butterflies" (which I hear is your body warning you to stay away!) I interpreted his fourth date rule as "I won't do anything before the 4th date, but let's see what happens after that". Sounds refreshing from what I know of modern dating, and you may have found yourself a good one there! I would just go at your own pace and make sure that you are comfortable at how fast things move. I do think it's nice to let a man take charge of a relationship to a certain extent, so that you know he really is keen, but you must not get carried away and lose yourself.

You’re right to be wary. Tell him you have an only when you feel ready rule and add that to drink is a small matter but to be thirsty is everything… if he’s not just after one thing he’ll wait.

It can be interpreted different ways. Either he means never until at least 4th date (in which case any time after that) or it should happen by the 4th date otherwise he moves on - which would be hinting and applying unreasonable pressure.
You'd be better to judge what he ment than us, but if you are not sure then arrange the next date in a public spot.
Also, unless you were up for sex on the 2nd date, it was a risk spending the evening at his, a lot of men would interpret a date at someone's house to imply its on the cards.

“He said from the start he has a 4th date rule as he wants to find something genuine.”

I wonder why he felt the need to tell you that..

My guard would have gone up too if a guy said that to me. We all know what that's code for.

“He's very flirty and has made it clear that he fancies me and wants to be physical”

Yeah, players are like that. And coupled with telling you about his “4th day rule” I will stick my neck on the line here and say, he’s just after sex and enjoys the preamble, the flirting, the thrill of the chase – it’s part of the foreplay for him and you won’t see him for dust afterwards.

Trust your instincts OP.

OP, I think you need to clarify whether

a) you wanted more but he said he wants to take it slowly and doesn’t have sex before the 4th date although he fancies you

or

b) he wanted more but you were not ready, so he gave you a deadline.

It seems that 50% respond to option a and 50% to option b and this thread is getting a bit bonkers because these are total opposites.