She suggested a singles holiday

[morethanspice]

I’m feeling very low at the moment and still trying to recover from the ptsd of my abusive marriage and divorce and conscious of the fact I’m aging and struggling to see my own value. Yesterday someone I know fairly well through work said to me I should go on a singles holiday. I felt so embarrassed and deflated! Must look like such a loser. I do have a very casual relationship in my life but she doesn’t know about it but it’s the assumption that I’m sad lonely and desperate.

That’s your negative thinking talking. A singles holiday could be fun and you might connect with someone. It’s nothing to do with being sad or desperate any more than internet dating is - just a pragmatic way to meet people and hopefully have some enjoyable evenings out.

People who are single aren't losers, as pp said, its your own negative self talk. If you would enjoy it then go and have a good time!

I don’t think she meant it in a nasty way or is thinking you’re a loser. She’s probably thinking you need to relax a bit and a singles holiday would be fun for you.

My friend goes on these and loves them. Me on the other hand I travel solo. You're not a loser because someone suggested it - honestly.

You should have just replied "well my girlfriend wouldn't be happy with that!"

But really, there's nothing wrong with going on a singles trip. Not everyone is looking to date, some just go to have company and some go as they are usually better value than paying a single supplicant.

I go on holidays for single people - they're great! They aren't hook up holidays, just for people who want to go to the same place and have a bit of company.

Solo travelling is awesome, it's not some hook up for desperate people! I went to Antigua, Sri Lanka, Seychelles, Egypt, Morocco as a singleton it's fantastic. If you don't fancy that then intrepid, and others all have organised tours with no single supplements

So single people are sad lonely and desperate - right ho

Most single people are anything but. Singles holidays - as in a group - wouldn’t be for me but I have friends who have done these and had great fun.

My cousin went on a singles holiday, it wasn't a bunch of people trying to date each other it was just solo people travelling together rather than alone. So maybe there are different types of "singles" holidays

I suggested it to a long term single friend because all his friends are coupled up or married so didn't have anyone to go on holiday with. He has since met someone so doesn't need to, but it's a good way to travel if you don't want to go alone.

You need to adjust your mindset

Yes absolutely negative self talk nothing wrong at all with singles holidays.

I did not mean to sound offensive to anyone single or who goes on these holidays and think it’s another sign my depression is spiralling out of control again. I’m not actually much of a holiday fan, it’s not my priority and not really affordable either.

That sounds a wise realisation OP - it is your depression and self-attack creating a negative narrative around your friend’s well meaning and practical suggestion.

So rather than feel anger towards your friend maybe think about how to help mitigate the symptoms of depression - do you need to discuss meds with your GP or a different dose if you’re already on meds? Do you need to get some therapeutic support? Do you need to start making sure you exercise daily and get enough sleep? Things to support yourself.

Yeah, I don’t think you’re friend thinks you’re a loser at all - she made what she thought was a helpful suggestion for something you might enjoy.

I went on one and really enjoyed it, I was just in a different place than my friends who were away on couples and family holidays so it was a great way of getting a break with some company and meeting new people.

Here’s to a more positive future OP.

im definitely in a very bad place at the moment, it’s such a fight just to function and I’m so constantly anxious and worried

@morethanspice that is perfectly normal although you could take some steps to improve this - have you spoken to your GP about some ADs or anti anxiety meds? The GP can also refer you to some online talking therapy. That kind of thing can help with eg setting goals - simple things eg I will go out this weekend for a walk etc. Search out some of the calm/ relaxation apps that you can listen to. Look at You Tube for Body Scan Mindfulness Meditation. I have done all of these at a very awful time in my life.
You mention another casual person in your life - is this helpful to you or does it create more anxiety?

Single people aren't losers. Being single doesn't make you embarassing or desperate. So I'm certain she didn't mean that.

Your friend was likely trying to be positive and helpful, as she can see you're in a bad place.