Is anyone else convinced they'll be alone for life ?

[capabilityfrowns]

I'm just so done with men and relationships.

I've lived alone now for 4 years and I really love it and can't see that changing

I've dated for 4 years and in 4 years I fancied one bloke who said the distance was too far and that was that after one date

I dont fancy anyone ever
Well - I fancied one bloke in 40 years and I'm 52 soon

I just think this is it . And is that so awful? Not settling for something shit ?

I'm resigned to growing old alone now . And I enjoy my time alone at home - I'd love to fall in love but it is t going to happen now and I'm realistic about that .
Tried everything to meet someone over last 4 years and it's a waste of time. I enjoy being an antisocial old git . Been in love once but weren't compatible. On line dating is absolutely the 7th circle of hell . Just awful . I work and that's my life . Work and home. Tried hobbies and social groups . Gave up .

Is it so bad to be alone ? And remain alone ?

You WILL get there. And it will be all the better for being yours. Even with all the compromises and the general strife, it will be worth it.

I’m actually not entirely averse to some actually supportive partnership that meets my (now very high) bar in the future. But I’m not afraid of being single and I’m don’t see finding it as something likely to make my priority list any time soon.

I'm almost in year 8 of being single now. I am ever optimistic. I have had my fair share of sh1te from dating apps. But I went on a date today with a man and he was lovely, chatty and friendly. We weren't right for each other, personality wise, but it did kind of restore my faith in OLD and that there are some nice men still out there. I did choose someone that didn't meet my usual type, so maybe thats the way forward....men with blonde hair!
Im still not convinced he was 5' 8", but he was lovely! 😂

At my age there are lots of lovely women who are single but most of the men on the dating market are not a good prospect and are often an outright liability for the woman, not only that but they regard themselves as being a great catch and that you'd be lucky to have them when they in fact bring little if anything to a relationship

This is what leads a lot of women to move in a desperate fashion and unsuitable men to approach women out of their league.

My friend is late 30s, no children, has a good job and owns her own house and a car. I was shocked to hear that she was dating a man who had 3 kids from a previous ex wife who he described as “crazy” and the kicker is he wasn’t even divorced yet?! He was still officially married but separated.

She often dates these loser-ish men. I asked her if she’d be willing to support the man’s kid’s financially if they got married because if they had household finances a chunk of it would be going out for his child support. And she has strong morals it surprised me she was OK with sleeping with a married man. Imagine if she got pregnant and he was still married?

Desperation really does something to women and it’s sad watching them throw their principles away because there seems to be so few decent men.

The apparent desperation of younger women is so annoying too.

My exH, who was an emotionally abusive, unfaithful and incredibly selfish partner, happily skipped on to another younger woman who apparently "knows all about" his many affairs and other unpleasant behaviour but still wants to be with him.
I know it makes me sound bitter but I do think a lot of unpleasant men get to move on too easily because there are women out there willing to get involved with them simply due to the limited gene pool.

I'm starting to think I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Its really getting me down at the moment.

I agree, @Jonisaysitbest I think irrespective of age there’s too many women who don’t care about how a man has treated his previous partner /family. It’s a real shame.

My cousin married and had kids with a man who was almost a deadbeat father that begrudged paying child support or just helping out with his kids financially.

I didn’t understand why she chose to be with a man like that. She was in her 20s, recently graduated and working in a well paying role for a good company whereas he was 40 with a criminal record.

Possibly. I'm 43 and recently divorced. Youngest DC is only 7 and have no intention of living with a bloke again or blending families (tried that and ended disastrously) but I sometimes think it would be nice to have a relationship without living together but dating seems so much hassle. I'd prefer to meet someone organically if it was going to happen but it's not a priority.

I thought I'd finally found my life partner in my 40s but it only lasted 3 years. The only good thing to come out of that relationship was my DD. I'm late 50s now and have been single for 11 years. I had a few awful dates about 10 years ago and it really put me off. I could write a book about the dates I had! (Maybe one day I will!)

I have a good job, great work life balance, my own home, hair and teeth! I also have great friends and don't feel lonely. I do have slight panics when I think about DD leaving home. But then I have panics about her not leaving home too!

It's a tough one. But I've decided not to worry about it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed not to have got the man, the marriage and circle of 'couple friends'. I do feel sad that it never happened for me. But then I hear people moaning about their partners and thank god I don't have to put up with any of that!

I enjoy my own company and am sure that when I do finally have my house to myself a new chapter will open and life will change again.

I'm in my early 60s now and can't ever see myself in a relationship again. DP died 3 years ago and I have a DD with SN who will never be likely to live independently so not only would I have to find a decent man but also one who would be happy that DD came as part of the package. I think the chances of that are zero.

On the plus side DD and I aren't answerable to anyone but I do find it hard sometimes not to have adult company and to be solely responsible for everything. It would be nice sometimes to have someone to bounce ideas off.

I do however have good friends and am close to family (although not particularly geographically). On balance although sometimes I do think it would be nice to have someone I am not particularly bothered as I think that the likelihood of finding someone where the positive outweighed the negative is pretty miniscule.

I’m about 10 years younger than you & have already come to this decision. I have good friends & family, am a single mum and have found happiness & contentment on my own. There are elements I miss of relationships but they are absolutely not worth it. The voice you can hear about “alone forever” is society patriarchy & it’s attempt to shame you into propping up some untrustworthy & unappreciative bloke who will need a nurse with a purse as he ages. Don’t listen to it.

The thing I envy of friends who have managed to stay happily together is being with a person who has known you since you were young, childless and carefree. A person who knows your history and has shared in it, who knows your family and your roots.

That is important to me and not having that with a new person is part of what puts me off a new relationship now. I feel like it would be superficial somehow, that they would never really "get me" or understand me properly.

But maybe I feel like that because I haven't met someone new and, if I did, I would enjoy them getting to know me and me them. Who knows?

@Jonisaysitbest A person who knows your history and has shared in it, who knows your family and your roots.

That is important to me and not having that with a new person is part of what puts me off a new relationship now.

I know what you mean but I think it's a bit backward looking. What about making new memories and them getting to know you as you are now?

I'm so different to even a decade ago I'm not sure the people who knew me then would get me now, and that would be lonely!

@madroid Good point, thank you.

Actually having read my post through again I did start to think of the advantages of being with someone who just knows the person yiu are now.

We should all repeat to ourselves regularly that not being in a romantic/sexual relationship (or not cohabiting) does NOT equate to ‘being alone’.

Even living alone (once your kids grow up) is not being alone. We have friends, family and full lives.

If any if us happen across a man who fits into that - and enhances it - that’s wonderful. But we are not alone without one.

All the stereotypes of lonely elderly spinsters etc are both inaccurate and wildly outdated. We will grow old in a world where lots of women have been through divorce and decided that they’re not looking for more marriage in their lives. The model of being the odd one out in a sea of married couples is likely to be increasly unusual as we get further into the 21st century.

I’m fine with it. Been single for 10 years.

Never really been keen on sex and I find men’s boring sporting related hobbies dull and uninteresting. I have much more in common with women.

Best thing I did was get 2 dogs. They keep me company and get me out and about.

Hobbies does suggest something a bit more active, but to me, it's just a word now as to how someone likes to spend their free time. A lot of people just like watching a bit of TV, sat on a nice sofa with a pet next to them and a fire going. It's not for everyone, but there's nothing wrong with this. Some people don't want to be 'on' all the time.

@Jonisaysitbest

I think if you meet the right person, they will have an intuitive sense of who you are. They're 'get' you, without having to visit every childhood place or meet every family member, and it will feel right, or what you mention will simply cease to be as important as it is to you now.

I can. I'm done with men. I'm happy with that decision.

I'm 52 and divorced last year after a 20 year marriage. He went off with someone 20 years younger. Honestly, I'm so much happier now, so much of the marriage I was incredibly lonely. All he cared about was himself and I realise now how emotionally abusive he is.

I've moved to a beautiful part of the country, restarted my career. Promoted 5 weeks in. Hobbies, travel and friends.
Much, much happier on my own and resolved to the idea I will stay this way.

I think I'm likely to stay alone. I've been quite good at it all my life. However, it does feel more difficult in this part of the country where I now live. I might need to move back to a bigger town or city. Here you stand out a bit more as a single woman.
This part of the country is also known to be quite conservative; and there does seem to be a high concentration of men who are racist and sexist.
So living here I feel lonelier as a single person than I did back in the city - but at the same time the men are of worse quality from my point of view. Worst of both worlds.

I've been single most of my life - even the boyfriends i have had have been LDRs. I don't really understand why I seem to br do unappealing - I don't think I'm that bad. But anyway, i am very good at doing things for myself, going out to classes and exercise and days out. I'd like more sex though (though a nevet-ending peri pwriod woukd be scuppering that currently anyway.)

You don’t need a man but I hope you have people around you - friends etc and a bunch of random things you enjoy doing.

Yes. I’m determined to be. I am done with men taking up my energy and wasting my time.
I’m utterly sick of them.
I enjoy my life, and the men who seem to think they’ll change my mind, well, I see red flags and just FAR too much work.
they want a mum and a maid, a secretary and a cheering section and a therapist.
ugh, no thank you!

Definitely. I've made some terrible decisions in the past and Karma has come a-looking for me.