Relationship advice please

[Confused8420]

So me and my partner have been together for just over five years. We got together when I was 16, and he was 17. He has been with other girls before, but I’ve only ever been with him. We have a happy life together. We have discussed the future, buying a house and making a family. We are very alike and compatible, we love each other’s families and we’ve both supported each other through lots.

A year ago I was messaged by a girl (old friend of his) that he had been making her very uncomfortable as he had been visiting her every 2 days ish, for a year, at her work (petrol station). He would stay in there sometimes up to an hour and talk sexually to her.

I confronted him about this after a month of finding out as I wanted proof, she managed to get audio recordings of him talking sexually to her, things such as wanting to take her into the toilets to f* her on the baby changing table. After confronting him he told me that he didn’t know why he did it, and that he wanted the chance to become a better person. I forgave him, and don’t know to this day if that was the right decision.

Since then I have lost all sexual attraction to him, we only have sex once every few months. I don’t know if this is simply that I am not sexually attracted to him anymore, if it’s just a long relationship thing, or if I’ve created a mental barrier because of how hurt I was when he cheated on me.

I feel very hypocritical though and I’m so confused, within the last 3/4 months I’ve been finding myself fantasising about other men, and what my life could’ve been. I fantasise about the sexual world that I could open myself up to and explore - which I haven’t been able to do… Except about 2 months ago when I went to a festival and drunkenly kissed another man. I feel very guilty but also don’t regret it? This makes me feel like such a terrible person.

I love my partner but I just don’t know if I am ever going to feel the same since he cheated on me, and I don’t want to spend my whole life dreaming of other people and the experiences I could have with them… but I also don’t want to throw a happy life away with a good future. I don’t want to throw this life away for some sexual excitement.

I’m so confused.

Leave him. You're still very young. You've got a lot of life ahead of you. Plenty of time to meet other people and think about houses and families. 5 years isn't a long relationship really and having sex once a month especially at that age isn't really the "norm" it might seem like this relationship is the best all and end all of your life but it's really not

You have lost attraction for your partner because you now know he is a deplorable, deviant predator who sexually abuses women.

It's time to take off your blinders and get the fuck away from him. Stop pretending and stop lying to yourself. Your partner is not the man you thought he was or wish him to be. Your "happy life" is a lie and you will never, ever have a happy future with a man like this.

So he's sexually harassed another woman in her work place? And you've condoned it?

Jesus wept. Dump and run.

Hi OP. another dweller here who has lost sexual attraction to their partner and approximately 2 days ago I ended it (however we are still living together annoyingly).

Regarding your post,he's a wet wipe. My advice? Please do yourself the justice you deserve and leave him. It's hard enough when they are the loveliest person alive (aka my now ex DP). But if my DP did this, I'd run for the hills. You are feeling this loss of attraction because of what he's done. You've most likely got the 'ick' and it's your body's way of telling you to leave.

What’s the point of being together, to put it bluntly it’s just a label when he does that.