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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The never ending rollercoaster

5 replies

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/01/2024 00:16

I feel insecure with regards to the inconsistent behaviour of him. I have posted before and people on here advised I walked away so I explained to him I wanted him to respect me and leave me be but he begged me to keep in touch so I softened and did, believing his promises. I feel pathetic that I soften for someone who has treated me badly. I think I must have a trauma bond or at the very least need his approval. I've even messaged him a number of times the past few days as if I'm chasing him.

It would be fairer for him also if I walked away and let him have a fresh start elsewhere. I want to respect myself and have him respect me, but I'm unsure the best way to do that now as I feel in so deep.

I have forgiven him multiple times for behaviour to the point where I no longer know what is my over reaction and what is actually wrong of him.

I have felt really lonely lately in terms of friendships, friends getting married and having children so I throw myself into him too much. At the moment I can't really afford counselling due to house costs increasing so that needs to wait for the moment.

I just need to outline my feelings as my chest feels tight and my mental health feels so fucked by this relationship now.

OP posts:
ItsBeenRaining · 04/01/2024 00:30

So you feel used and think he's moving onto the next one.

Are you actually a couple ?

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/01/2024 00:34

I ended it a few months ago but we stayed in touch and sometimes intimate too.

OP posts:
Faez · 04/01/2024 00:34

Cold turkey is the only way

ItsBeenRaining · 04/01/2024 00:41

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/01/2024 00:34

I ended it a few months ago but we stayed in touch and sometimes intimate too.

Or to put it another way...

Are you, or were you each others primary partner.

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/01/2024 00:58

Neither of us have been with other people while together so yes we are the primary relationship but I did find him talking to other women online in the past.

OP posts:
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