Am I being over reactive, thoughts please

[Orroroar]

Need some other opinions on this. Am I over reacting to the whole situation. I will try not to bore you with all the information. Basically my husband's mum passed away not too long ago so Christmas was going to be hard. Build up was grand we were all looking forward as much as we could to being off with our kids, 13&16 and then Christmas morning he basically shouted at me in front off our 13yr old, I pulled him up on this and I was told to off & not speak to him for the rest off the day. Wow, what a reaction, anyhow, Christmas day was ok with my parents for dinner, husband just got drunk and sat in another room. I then hurt my back on boxing day & spent next 1.5 days in agony, sleeping in bed (he never came near me to see if I was ok)....sorry this is a lot....bear with me.....I spoke to him about Christmas day and he blamed me on his initial outburst (another story) and yes I then shouted at him and gave off that he never asked was I ok, boxing day and ruined Christmas day and he was being selfish. We haven't really spoke since that..... Usual he blames me and visa versa....am I actually being selfish keeping this going, he has lost his mum, our lovely grandmother/MIL & i know he is finding it hard..but is that an excuse for the way he has been reacting to me....any advice, greatly welcomed

He shouldn't have been shitty with you or your child... BUT ... the first Christmas after losing someone is absolutely heartbreakingly hard. All the jollity and festivities feels really hollow. It's especially tough if you have kids and have to put on a brave face.

Also to add if your parents were coming it would probably have been even harder. Grief is a very personal and very powerful emotion.

Thanks, yeah that's my thinking... Draw a line. But from last experiences I doubt this will be the last, verbal attack... Difficult to navigate someone's

First Christmas after death of a parent is bound to be awful

However, nobody would have excused a grieving mother if she went off on her husband in front of their kids, told him to not speak to her for the rest of the day, and then spend the next day getting wasted in another room, while also ignoring her husband after he got physically hurt. Only blokes seem to think that this sort of behaviour is ok.

A reasonable person would apologise if they had an outburst, maybe remove themselves from company if it got too much...and checking up on a hurt family member should not be even a question.

Thank you, we actually had that talk before Christmas day if it became too much, for him to take some time out but he just exploded..... Not great control and yes not asking was I ok is making me rethink how much he actually cares..... Thanks again helpful just for another view from the outside 😊

Is this behaviour completely out of character? Is he usually great?

Yes - firm chat in a quiet moment when calm. His behaviour is unacceptable but you understand he is grieving. Counselling.

No - you need to have good hard think.

Thanks, usually fine 80% off the time but he is hopeless off communicating when something is annoying him, then goes silent and flies off the handle. I suppose that's why I am reluctant to draw a line as again I'm thinking off all the other times he has acted nasty. But I shouldn't keep dredging up past experiences when we have basically but them to bed and moved on. Oh he wouldn't do counselling, I have suggested. Thanks