Am I leading someone on?

[Riseandshinee]

For context I had a fling with someone earlier this year, but the next day after becoming exclusive, I found out they were talking to other women, he managed to convince me that he wasn’t, he actually kept talking to other women and saving their photos afterwards but I found a lot more evidence a while later.
I know I don’t owe this person anything, and I know there’s something dangerous about them, but I enjoy their company in certain respects, and I do have other friends, but I still don’t want to loose this particular person entirely.
We’re not together anymore (if we ever were). when I suggested seeing other people myself, he said that if I did then he couldn’t talk to me anymore because it would hurt him too much.. the double standards, because I know what he has been up to.
Currently they’re Ill but they want to come and see me at some point after they’re better. They miss me and I’m excited about seeing them again
I have already arranged to have sex with someone within the next few weeks. Simply because I miss sex.
I just want permission from mumsnet strangers to go ahead with it. I feel as if I’m guilty in a way for continuing to sort of lead the other person on

Stop shagging him that's for sure.
Then whatever you do with anyone else is none of his business if he's just a friend.

But you need to break the bond with him if he's a cheat. I don't recon you'll actually want to stay friends after you stop sleeping with him tbf. No more after sex hormones to create attachment mean that over time you just start dislike him for being a big, hypocritical, lying phony.

Someone like him isn't friend material. I wouldn't even want someone that slimey in mu aquaintance circle.

You might be wise to get an sti check considering he's been putting it about.

See him if you want to but take what he says with a pinch of salt. I'd guess he's looking for sympathy because he's been unwell, but also trying to reel you in and manipulate you at the same time. You don't owe him anything, so don't feel guilty about the hook up you've arranged, you are entitled to meet whoever you choose.

Also, not really sure how you can bare to meet him if he's obviously just hanging out with you thinking 'haha stupid woman, doesn't know I've got other women on the go. I'm so clever. Only I matter. Me me me me me me'. That's what he's thinking every time he's with you you know.

Doesn't sound a great deal different from what the OP's planning, to be honest.

Having a plan B not fair on that person. Decide what you want to do and do it but don’t make someone your back up lover. No one needs sex that much… +sure sex is like bridge: if you have a good hand you don’t need a partner! Arranging sex in this perfunctory way maybe indicates too its not the act you miss but maybe the attention or approval or feeling desired?

Person A sounds an idiot imho but we all have a brain until we fall in lust or love so really only Q maybe is do you want him to hurt you now or even more in future. Most of us been there being drawn to someone no good for us so que sera but deffo don’t lead on anyone else meantime. It would not be at all a surprise if A is messaging lots of others too and great way to get through convalescence by getting ego massaged by one of his fans. 🙄

You're giving him too much credit for his 'feelings'.

He's not going to give a shit about you 'leading him on', as long as he gets his shag.

when I suggested seeing other people myself, he said that if I did then he couldn’t talk to me anymore because it would hurt him too much

That's up to him. You get on with you. He can like/want to be in your life if he's not bothering you.

But he is bothering you, isn't he?

I don't think from her post that she is still shagging him. OP is that right?

I haven’t had sex with him since the day I found photos of other women saved to his iPad

Well then you can sleep with whoever you like then.

You don't owe him any disclosure either. He's not your bf and you aren't sleeping together.

But isn’t this almost exactly what the OP is planning to do?
keep “old guy” hanging around for fun while shagging the new guy?

I think you are seriously over estimating your relevance to him if you think you are leading him on.

No. They became exclusive and op found out he was still chatting up other women. So op has distanced herself because they are obviously NOT exclusive. She's free to date whoever she likes so long as she isn't still sleeping with him.

He changed the rules, so he doesn't get to expect exclusivity. It's not one rule for the goose and another for the gander.