How Do I get past this?

[LauraG89]

I feel like my life is in tatters and even though I'm not living with my abusive/controlling ex he still has control.

I'm currently living with family due to an incident that happened involving him so I had to move out our jointly owned home. The house is up for sale but no luck with viewings as of yet - it was a painful journey getting it listed.

He's blocked on everything apart from email so we can communicate about the house/dog but somehow he still manages to find things out. For example my chat display picture - he sent me an email saying that's not the old Emily and he's sending the email with good intent but I'm going to attract the wrong person etc. I don't even know how he's seen this but he still finds ways to get at me.

He'll then email me calling me names etc - total opposite from the last email. I feel so down not being in my house I'm still paying for and only seeing my dog a couple of days a week. I can't rent my own space because I can't afford to as I'm still paying my mortgage.

Why is he still trying to torture me? I feel stuck and not able to move forward, yet he's still living in our house doing as he pleases.

Is there any way you could get a friend to pick up and drop off the dog so you don't have to see the ex?

So sorry this is happening to you! Can I ask if he provoked you to the point you lashed out? My malevolent narc ex did this. Took me years to expose him for what he is. Please do not let him get to you, block him on everything as he’s trying to get in your head and you with you. It’s called hoovering. Please look after yourself and don’t respond , go grey rock.

Get the emails sent / received via a third person.

When my brother was going through a very difficult divorce, all communication came via myself.

Also, if you have SM .. delete anyone you don’t personally know (closely), as these people can use fake profiles, or see things via other “friends”

Ignore all messages and emails like this and only reply briefly and factually to stuff that needs to be arranged such as the house sale, dog drop off etc. You can even ask ChatGPT to write the reply for you in a brief, unemotional way.

Create a new email address only for communicating with him and block him from your regular personal one. Check the new email only once a day tops and schedule send replies to arrive say 2 days after he sent it, if possible. This will slow things down and reduce the gratification he gets from sending you messages like this and help you with compartmentalising him out of your life.

No response is the best response and it actually says a lot in itself. He will eventually get bored and find a new target. Be prepared for it to take awhile though. My ex was very similar and loved to information gather.in order to taunt and sent many long nasty emails written in his employer’s time. He used to absolutely bombard me with multiple daily messages. It took 2 years for him to give up.