Should I start dating again? I’m not sure that I’m ready…

[Icecreamandjelly]

Hello everyone

I’ve been single for just over a year now.

My last relationship break down really broke me, as I thought he was the the love of my life, so after a little bit of dating after the break up, and realising that I wasn’t ready to date again, I decided to become 100% single (no dating at all) and try to heal. I live alone and enjoy a lot of aspects about it.

I have friends, hobbies and pets, so I don’t feel lonely, however I often have this feeling that I ‘should’ be doing this and ‘should’ be doing that. I should have a partner…I should be in love and living with them etc.

I sometimes feel that it’s the pressure of society saying I should be with someone and searching. I’m 38 with no children and don’t want kids, so I have no worries there, but I keep beating myself up that I’m ‘behind’ in life and should be with somebody and happy.

Obviously I would love to be swept off my feet but if I’m honest, I’m scared and feel sad that I’ve become weary of love as I loved love before. I just wish I could meet someone organically as I hate the dating apps.

When do you know that you’re ready to date? Part of me wants to dip my toe back into dating, but another part just can’t be bothered with any disappointment and any drama. I’m also used to my own company now, and part of me doesn’t want to disturb the peace I’ve created within myself (or working on). I was so low 12 months ago and it took this long to feel like myself again and comfortable in my own skin.

Does anyone else feel like this? I’m not ready to date yet, am I?

Part of me loves being single and independent but the other feels like I need to be looking for someone. Does anyone else feel like this?

Thanks for reading

I feel a bit like this.
I'm finding it really difficult to wrap my head around the fact that I prefer being single. Because I spent my whole life, as society does in general, thinking I wanted a man, I needed a man, that life is better with a man.
But. It's not.
Sure I want a perfect man. But they don't exist.

@arethereanyleftatall I too never imagined myself as a single person. I’ve always preferred being in a relationship (two long term relationships) It’s like a push pull of enjoying the peace and independence, being weary of being hurt, feeling like time is ‘running out’ but also wanting love again. It’s probably heightened at this time as it’s New Year and dating sites/apps are being pushed.

Maybe you don’t need a relationship in the traditional sense, but more of a companionship? Someone perhaps not to live with, but go for nice dates and holidays with. Restore your faith in love but from a distance. If you aren’t having kids there’s so much less pressure for all the “extras” that take away your new found independence.

Yes, completely. After a succession of substandard relationships I've got to the point of being done with conventional relationships. I'm open to dating (it's always good to keep that muscle flexed) and a relationship if the right one comes along but I actually find the whole process quite stressful. I've just come off all the dating apps and am dating a nice man casually. We'll see where it goes.

This is what I have. I have someone I care for very much. But I don't want to share my home with him, be with him all the time although it's nice to go on holiday with him. I think he feels the same about me - I am someone who helps him recharge his batteries, decompress from his day to day life (he's not married or with anyone).
It's very comfy.