Have NC as regular on here under a different username.
I'm in my early 40s. Difficult relationship with both of my parents, particularly my Dad... history of DV at home growing up, mostly against Mum and also against me and siblings. Extreme stress in the family due to growing up with disabled sibling. My Dad had a drink problem for years but is currently 13 years sober. Currently separated from my Mum and they live apart but generally get on well.
Our relationship is complex. Despite all of the above, I have been very close with my Dad for years. I have been his carer since my teens, providing practical and emotional support. This has included calling ambulances to save his life when he's been suicidal. At times I find it very overwhelming. Things are usually stable for several years in terms of his mental health / drinking and then something triggers it to all go wrong again and all family member except me cut off contact with him, so it's all down to me to sort things out.
Despite all this, my Dad provides me with a lot of emotional support which I don't get from other family members. However, things have changed since he got Covid 2 years ago and now lives with long Covid. He lives in bad health and his irritability has greatly increased.
He normally lives alone but went to visit Mum over the Christmas / New Year period which is the normal arrangement. It's nearly a 3 hour drive away from our house so not like we can just pop around.
During my visit, he asked me about something I didn't want to talk about, I said this, he kept at me and then I got irritated with him. He had a massive go at me, shouted at me and then walked out of the room. Everyone else just looked at the floor. No-one said a word to me. It was just awful... I felt like going out for a walk but had my young kids with me and it would have made things worse...
Not sure whether I just caught him on a bad day as he was also incredibly rude to another family member who was there who's pregnant and having a really tough time of it...
I will discuss this in counselling next week, but am feeling really conflicted. Should I break contact for a while? Anyone else experienced similar?
Thanks for reading.