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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When it's always you making an effort

7 replies

Jammylou · 02/01/2024 20:12

Anyone else find if they stop messaging friends first they drop off and don't bother.
I decided last year to stop bothering with people who make little or no effort in initiating contact with me.
I realised it was always me asking how they were etc.
And amazing how many have dropped off since I stopped being the one to say Happy New Year, or how are you etc.
Decided way ahead is to only invest in reciprocal friendships. Yet there are very few who have actually bothered.
Anyone else found this ?

OP posts:
Mary46 · 02/01/2024 20:26

Yes op same here. Actually one message for xmas I told her straight nobody wants keep contact now. She kinda replied with yeh her neighbour drop her on nights out for new friends. I decided do I want all this crap and hassle going forw. No. But yes I found same unless Im doing chasing up nothing

BCBird · 02/01/2024 20:27

Yes i agree.b

occhiazzurri · 02/01/2024 21:17

Sending you lots of virtual hugs! I am in my early 40s and met a lot of my friends through work so they are very busy professionals and some have family commitments etc so this may be the reason why I am always the one making an effort. This has particularly stared to grind me down recently as even the single friends I have make zero effort to keep in touch. If I don’t message/keep in touch or try to organise and plan a get together I literally don’t hear from them and often it is six months before I see them. I have concluded people at this age cannot be bothered with friends any longer.

Original poster
Jammylou · 02/01/2024 21:46

occhiazzurri · 02/01/2024 21:17

Sending you lots of virtual hugs! I am in my early 40s and met a lot of my friends through work so they are very busy professionals and some have family commitments etc so this may be the reason why I am always the one making an effort. This has particularly stared to grind me down recently as even the single friends I have make zero effort to keep in touch. If I don’t message/keep in touch or try to organise and plan a get together I literally don’t hear from them and often it is six months before I see them. I have concluded people at this age cannot be bothered with friends any longer.

Absolutely agree.
I had 3 friends wish me Happy New Year via what's app ot text.
Previous years it's always been me sending them decided not to this year to see who bothered.
I had about 5 Christmas cards from friends. I'm nor too bothered about that but not many pushed me Hapot Xmas either.
Says alot really.
Just don't get why people aren't investing in RL friendships now all seems to be on social media like Facebook.

OP posts:
Mary46 · 02/01/2024 22:12

Yes theres little loyalty now in keeping friends. Disheartening.

fluffy71 · 03/01/2024 14:52

Ive found this too. I’ve got a few friends where I live (as opposed to really old friends I grew up with) and I’ve just stopped being the one to always make contact and that’s fine. I’ve got stuff I want to focus on this year for my own well being and family so if any of these friends don’t contact me back I’m ok with that. Life’s too short end I feel I’m entering a stage in life that I’m happy being by myself

Mary46 · 03/01/2024 17:32

Yes I suit myself more now. But find people very non comittal and flakey. Why bother with them!!

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