Wedding

[bunny85]

Ok so I'm not sure if Relationships is the right place for this thread, but I couldn't think of anything else.

So, my husband and I got married 5 years ago at a registry office. It was a very simple occasion, with only two witnesses and a small family celebration afterwards. However I have always wanted a big beautiful wedding and my husband has always known about it. Now that we're in a position to do it, we decided to have it organised for later this year. For me, this would be The Day and I want it to be remembered as our Wedding Day, but obviously legally we're already married. Without any legal procedure it would feel like a party, not a wedding. I thought of booking a vow renewal ceremony, but I don't want people to think one of us had cheated. Equally we're not too keep on a church service. Is there any other option to make it feel like a proper wedding? Like basically to get married legally twice? Or even just pay them for a "show"? Ideally I'd like the ceremony to be held at the same venue (it's a beautiful hotel). Any ideas please? Thank you 🙏🏻

I’m sure you could pay for a show wedding, they could change the wording or just make it clear that you’re already married but want to ‘marry’ in front of your friends and family. Sure this must have been done before

Thank you for your reply. I've googled for days but can't see anything like this? I thought the same, must have been done before but struggling to find. Maybe someone could point me in the right direction.

Could you not have an anniversary celebration and wear the dress of your dreams with a simple blessing/positive word for the continued happiness and success of your marriage?

Find some independent celebrants and discuss it with them.

What exactly do I google to find them? Sorry don't mean to sound so daft but this is how I feel... what are these companies called?

Try the humanists uk website for a celebrant. Unless you’re in Scotland, humanist weddings are not legally binding and are personal to you

Yes, you just do the ceremony with a celebrant rather than a registrar. These ceremonies are not legally binding but you can have any ceremony you like / say what you want to say / exchange rings if you want etc

Perfect! That's exactly what I'm after! Thank you all so so much x

Register of independent celebrants across the UK

independentcelebrants.com/find-a-celebrant/

How is a ‘show’ wedding different to a vow renewal?

hand fasting ceremony, vows that make it clear that this is the wedding party for the family - since its not the legal wedding you have much more flexibility as to what you want to say and include

I read on here somewhere that apparently having a vow renewal ceremony makes people assume one of spouses had had an affair. I am not sure myself how so, and I was even looking into having the vows renewal myself but decided against it based on this problem purely. Definitely don't want people to think that!

Thank you for that, really helpful

Sounds lovely, a celebrant is definitely what you need. For the record, I have never associated vow renewals with affairs!

I've been to vow renewals and at no point did it occur to anyone that infidelity was a reason, in fact that's a daft notion.
If you really want the same venue, better get on it quick, as places for big days book up a year or more in advance.

I’m afraid it does cross my mind re affair & vow renewals as I can’t understand the concept of renewing something that hasn’t been broken otherwise.

What you're talking about sounds exactly like a vow renewal. A 'wedding' when you're already married. You're just using a different name for it from the sounds of it.

So I would imagine the people who have the affair assumption would also have the same assumption with this. I don't think they're worth worrying about though. I just assumed most people who renew vows do it because they are couldn't afford wedding they wanted at the time so are doing it now.

I would imagine that in post-covid era there would be a LOT of vows renewal services precisely because people would like to have a party they didn't get to have

however, even before then I only ever came across vows renewals as a form of celebration, especially for big anniversaries

I think you have to accept it for what it is. You'll never be happy if you expect everyone (including yourselves) to view it as your wedding day, while also having been married for the last 5 years. Don't try and square the circle, just start from where you are.

I just sounds like a huge waste of time and money. I am sure you can find a celebrat willing to let you pay them to do a ceremony, but it still won’t be a wedding, not for you and not for your guests. That is something you cannot buy, you are not going to kid people that this is a wedding when you are already married. You don’t even have the covid excuse if you have been married five years. Personally I think you need to move on.

I'm afraid I agree. Also whatever you call it, it might smack of 'getting over an affair' party

Sorry