Comparison: thief of joy

[Dingbatbingo]

This is a stupid one but it’s taken over my brain, hopefully temporarily…
I used to be very fit and much more attractive than I feel now. I have physical disabilities which means I have put on lots of weight, can’t exercise how I like or used to, can’t wear what I want , even down to shoes as need specific type and orthotics etc.
I have a really lovely boyfriend who I know loves me and fancies me but I’ve got myself into a rut of studying his gorgeous ex on social media.
i knew them as a couple so known for a long time and we were social media contacts until a few years ago when I called everyone I don’t speak to!
so I’ve always known her as gorgeous, glamorous, fit, well off etc. she is a health freak and shopaholic, her and my bf have a penchant for the finger things in life including designer clothes, jewellery, new cars etc whereas I’m a single mum on low income, part time job with special needs family.

im autistic which I don’t think Is helping the situation as I can be compulsive and over engage in fruitless activity .

i know that she ended the relationship and it wasn’t my bfs wishes so that’s probably partly why I feel insecure but I think it’s also because I can’t stop comparing myself to her.
she is more what I would look like if I were able to exercise and didn’t have meds which make me fat etc.

ive aged hugely and have huge loathing of my body .

id never spend the money she does on clothes , even if I had it but I keep coveting what she has because I stupidly feel I will be more attractive to my partner if I have better clothes etc.
im a second hand shopper and I have started looking at the same stuff she wears and thinking I should replicate it but I know this way madness lies (is already lying)

I can’t keep up with basic grooming because of fatigue, pain, time, energy etc . I’m exhausted just from living before adding in my parenting responsibilities, work etc.
my bf always makes me feel beautiful and helps out when he comes but he is busy too.

I have come on here for some respite really and to share it cos I am too embarrassed to share it irl with anyone.
its time consuming and makes me feel more ashamed of myself when I’m doing it.

has anyone been like this or know how to stop doing it to myself?

Bumping for a response!

I have a lovely boyfriend who I know loves me and fancies me - this is the most important part of your post. If I was you I'd take myself off social media to stop the stalking

Thank you. That’s exactly what my brain is telling me to do too! Good plan

Same as the other poster, its better focus on what you know for sure than assumptions or guesses. Literally anything about or life could go wrong tomorrow, ditto the things we imagine, so better to enjoy everything we know we have today and make the most of it

I love this. Thank you, you’re so right. I hate being like this, I’m better than this, it’s my mind, it just fixates on something and I’m gone!

I agree with PPs. And what you see on social media is what people want to display about their lives. She may not be happier or more successful than you, just better at hiding reality!
Your heading was so right: comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on being in the moment and enjoy being with your lovely partner.

On the shallow surface I think a lot of people would think my ex somehow ‘better’ than my DP - for a start my DP is 20 years older! There’s absolutely no comparison for me though, I adore DP find him very attractive and deeply love him. Minds can play huge tricks on us - I advise you to write down a lists of things your DP does that you know shows he cares and read it when you need to. Block his ex on SM or better still come off it.

He's with you for a reason! Probably several 😊 leave the social media alone and remind yourself of that

Thanks so much everyone, I know all this to be true.
It made me smile reading all your lovely comments.
he is really lovely and loving and shows me in lots of ways.
i am sure part of it is because my body is working against me. I’m in permanent pain and just can’t look after myself the way I’d like and I don’t feel in control of my looks or shape or clothes or in fact anything!

fortunately I have kept a lid on the ex files and he has no idea I’ve been acting freaky !

We all do it a bit, it's a constant practice. Being kind to yourself is another one, the best use of our brains is producing useful thoughts and actions. This thread is doing that, trying to understand how to deal with how you're feeling. That's a good thing, and hopefully it helps

thank you, it’s helped me to feel less mad and guilty about it and I haven’t thought too much about it today x