Turned so quickly

[postnote23]

For the first time ever my DH behaved violently. There have been times where I have questioned if his behaviour was abusive on an emotional level. I don't know what to do or where to turn right now.

didn't want to read and not respond. Call the police. Dont let this pass as a one off - it never is.

Are you safe now? Can you go somewhere to be safe?

Are you safe now?

You need to leave OP. His abuse has escalated from emotional to physical, it won’t get better.

Do you have children? Do you feel able to call the police or Women’s Aid for advice?

Safe now as he has left for work. In silent mode at the moment. Insidious environment but I'm used to this bit.

Yes there are children. He threatened to call the police on me which was really bizarre and also scared me. He trashing stuff whilst shouting he was reporting me to the police.

They say that to stop you calling the police. It shouldn't stop you though. Can you talk us through your home situation? Is there a mortgage or rent? Whose name is everything in?

Please report this to the police.

My ex always threatened me with the police, saying I was abusive. Because one time I scratched him on the neck and he had evidence. The reality was that I was cowered in the corner of the sofa with our 4 month old in my arms, he was towering over me at 19 stone, not letting me up, and I tried to push his face out of mine.

Please report. Next time you might not get the chance

Report today.. Keeping you and your dc safe needs a case built against him.

He's crossed the line, my lovely, and there's no going back from that. If you stay, he'll see it as a go ahead to do it again. My suggestion would be women's aid first, then the police. You may worry about him losing his job or getting into trouble, but - consequences have actions. This is all on him.

Do this for you and your children. Give yourselves a peaceful life in a safe and secure home away from him.

The housing situation is the least concern as I have my own financial independence and can support myself if the inevitable happens.

It’s not about inevitability and things happening. With love, you need to make decisions here. Not just wait for things to happen.

I’ve been in violent relationships and I know how hard it is to reconcile that with the man who’s supposed to love you.

But this is the time. You’ve seen it coming. Now it’s here. Inevitable perhaps, but only because you’re still there. Now you don’t need anything else “to happen”. You need to make sure he’s never in a position to attack you again. Which will require the involvement of the authorities. Police, children’s services, etc.

You don’t HAVE to do it today, but waiting serves no purpose other than to give you time to overthink, feel the fear, for him to gaslight you and then for you to decide to give him another chance.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your DCs right now is report him to the police and get the ball rolling on splitting up and keeping your DC safe. Make no mistake, they’re not safe in a home with him.

No, just get out and stay out. Trust your reaction

Please report him to the Police. It won't be a one-off. Even it you could guarantee it was (which of course you can't) it's still appalling that the person who's meant to love you most would assault you. You could never trust him, or feel safe with him again. And besides, you say he's been (non-violent) abusive in the past - you need to get away from him. This is not a good or safe relationship.

Don't wait for anything. You control this situation. You can stop I happening again
Leave or make him leave. You do not deserve this life.

I agree with the previous poster. You should be in control of this, not him. It's really really great that you are financially independent. The reason I asked is that so many women aren't and that becomes some of the factor in deciding whether to leave or stay.

You have seen what's below of us, and it's really ugly. You have opportunity to leave and I think if you don't go then you will really regret it. These things never ever get better with time.

"if the inevitable happens" lovely, it has already. Probably for a very long time.