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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I keep trying?

9 replies

Meme29 · 01/01/2024 17:01

Hi

So I met this guy a couple of months ago and we hit it off straight away. We have lots in common and very similar beliefs ect. We started ‘hanging out’ at the start of December and were seeing each other 2/3 times a week.

He used to live in the USA and came back to the uk about 2 years ago but he often talks about his time there. I got the feeling he missed it. Anyway I spent Friday and Saturday with him and he mentioned nothing about hanging out on New Year’s Eve. The most he said about it was that he was going ghost mode and wanting to relax. Even yesterday when he was texting me he mentioned nothing about doing anything so I made plans with my family.

He texted me last night at 10:45 apologising for not inviting me over and the explained that he was on the fence about everything including staying here but if I wanted to come over I was more than welcome. I didn’t go because by that stage I had a couple of drinks and didn’t want to bail on my family. I woke up this morning and felt guilty that he was by himself and phoned and apologised and told him that maybe I should of asked him but he said he wanted to go ghost so I didn’t want to intrude.

Anyway he then proceeded to talk about what he texted and said he didn’t want it to get into another couple of months and me feeling used so he wanted to to be honest which I thanked him for. He then proceeded to say that he doesn’t want to stay here but doesn’t know where he will go yet but he would still like to hang out. To be honest I’m feeling a bit bummed by it and a little confused. Should I keep trying with him or do you think his minds already set?

OP posts:
MinervatheGreat · 01/01/2024 17:06

He wants a friend with benefits while he pisses about trying to make up his mind.
He phoned late NYE because he felt horny.
Nah! Bin him!

Jerry577 · 01/01/2024 17:11

It sounds like he’s attracted to you but doesn’t think he can make it work long term

Watchkeys · 01/01/2024 17:12

I woke up this morning and felt guilty that he was by himself

What? Why? Why is it your responsibility in any way to make sure he isn't alone?

littlebopeepp234 · 01/01/2024 17:13

It would piss me off too op. He would have felt this way when he first started dating you! Like pp said, he was never looking for anything serious and only seems to want fwb. You don’t go actively looking for someone for a serious relationship if you’re not happy with the location you’re living, especially if it’s a completely different country. Just bin him off and don’t waste anymore time on him. The only thing I can say really is at least he’s being honest and giving you the option of deciding if you stick around for another couple of months.

festivetinseling · 01/01/2024 17:14

Should you keep trying? Honestly, what's the point? He doesn't know whether he's on his arse or his elbow, and while he fannies about making his mind up, do you really want to be left dangling all the time?

Watchkeys · 01/01/2024 17:22

If you're on the 'keep trying' thing after a couple of months, then, no. How hard is he trying to keep you?

Do you really think you'll need to 'try' to keep the perfect partner interested?

Mackeroo · 01/01/2024 17:28

Walk away from this one, OP. He's literally telling you he wants a casual fwb until he moves away. He's made his mind up....don't waste your time on him.

shamebook · 01/01/2024 17:29

He's just not that into you OP. Sorry. Don't pursue this, you'll end up hurt.

YoBeaches · 01/01/2024 17:34

Agree with other posters. If he was into you you'd be making plans together. He's told you he's making plans by himself.

Move on I'm afraid.

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