Well it’s 1st January and I feel so low. This feeling came on yesterday when it dawned on me I had nothing to do or anyone to see NYE. Just me and my OH. It bothered me that even if I wanted to, there was no one I could call to ask to pop round or meet anywhere. I only have a few friends who were all busy either visiting people or just sitting in as a couple. One of my friends is in a newish relationship so I understand she wanted to spend it with her partner but tbh, I’ve not really heard anything from her in about 6 months since meeting her new partner. My husband and I are quite reclusive and would like to get out more but in our 50’s feel it’s hard to reconnect with friends. I had a few years long spell of mental health problems (husband and my kids were amazing in their support) but friends just fell by the wayside. If when us two are out for a drink or meal and we bump into friends it’s fun but there’s never any concrete follow up, just a “we will have to get together “ then when I do try to arrange something there’s always an excuse why they can’t. I don’t like to think people are so small minded that they’d avoid me because of my previous mental health battles but it appears to be the case. We have financial problems which limits what we can do so it really cuts deep when I see the social media posts of friends out having fun but we didn’t even get an invite. Even an invitation would be appreciated even if we are not able to go. I think what I’m trying to say is that I feel really lonely with such a lack of female friends. Me and my few friends will do something once in a blue moon but there’s never any spontaneous can I pop round for a cup of tea kind of thing going on. It sounds so sad but my only social interactions are going to work. I don’t really know why I’ve even posted this, I think I just want to get it off my chest. I have decided I am going to take up exercise and get fitter physically and emotionally so maybe that will help. I’ve gained a lot of weight since menopause and feel incredibly self conscious with low self esteem so maybe once I like myself more then others will like me again. Jan-feb is always a blue time for me so I make sure I get my vitamin d etc and I’m going to make sure I have plenty of walks. I’d love a holiday but financially that’s not really an option. We’ve always felt the poor couple out of all our friends, the couple that is always struggling yet they have holidays all year, nice cars etc. material things don’t bother me as such but maybe we just don’t fit in with them anymore? I don’t know really what to think, just feel so alone. In my younger years I was so sociable and had lots of friends, was always out but then had my children and obviously life changed overnight but even now my kids are grown up I really thought socially I’d just pick up where I left off! My daughter and I have a few things planned and I love spending time with her; she’s like a best friend but I do miss seeing my friends on a regular basis. Sorry to ramble on!