Messaging another women

[CLH23]

Caught him messaging a woman when I was away for the night. Been together 11 years. One of the messages said "I'll be 10 mins - don't wear any knickers or a bra" then at family events everyone says he was just talking about he really does love you you know. It's been like this for years. My head is a mess.... what do I do?

Leave him. You deserve better x

KICK him OUT.

You get rid of him because no one is going to fight for you and what you deserve except yourself. And right now you’re letting yourself down.

He’s not just messaging by the looks of things.

Do you really want a man who cheats soon as you’re away for one night? Kick his cheating arse to the kerb

Who is he messaging? He's clearly having affairs if not several. People who love you don't disrespect you. Show up for yourself

Oh he didn’t txt he txt to arrange plans before meeting her.
Get your head together get booked for a health check and make plans to leave . Or just kick him
out today and start the year as you mean to go on.

He's a womaniser and it's the worst type of relationship issue you can get. It's never ending.

Have you got DC? You need to leave him.

Get him gone. And I'd be getting checked out too.

Oh I'm so sorry. Can you leave? If not, get a plan together and leave asap.

He is cheating and it sounds like his family know and are making excuses for him

That isn’t just messaging another woman is it, he has been meeting and having sex with her!
get out now.

This particular night I saw the conversation happening - so I called him (didn't say I had seen what was going on) but I threw him off and I know the meet didn't happen because eventually she said she was bored of waiting. It has been years of him messaging women on Facebook - think he needs some sort of clarification that women want him, I don't know... it's beyond me. He's never not at home it's only if I'm out in the evening and he's drinking the messages to others 'sometimes start' - it's just so bad. I don't think he's ever physically done anything but how do I know! I'm 36 in April would love another child (we share a DD) and I want to be happy! But I'm starting to resent the time spent with him. Feel like I'm running out of time for happiness and more children. The whole thing messes with my head. It would hurt to leave but it hurts to stay x

You are not to old to leave meet someone else and have another child .

This is only going to end in tears anyway but just with more years wasted .
Rip the plaster off throw him out today .

OP - why are you firstly making excuses for this loser and secondly not kicking him
Out. Having another child WILL NOT help

Sorry to be blunt OP but this man obviously has had sex with this woman already... in order for him to be texting her such personal things.

Would you want this for your DD? Your circumstances are too dysfunctional to be having another child.

... no, I certainly wouldn't have another with him. I was referring to wanting to be happy and have another DD with someone else one day x

The sooner you leave him, the sooner this can happen.

New year, new start.

Move on.

Good luck xx

I could believe he's not actually having sex with her. There's a certain sort of man who spends his time messaging and arranging sex with women and then never doing it. Usually when pissed and usually partnered up. It gives them a kick. The whole reeling them in and then not going through with it -it's horrible. So he's a bastard to you and a bastard to them. You really really deserve better. Whether he actually shags them or not is not the problem. You're only 36. A mere youngster. Go and find someone who won't do this to you.

Does it matter if he has physically done something? He is actively communicating with other females in a sexual manner. I would say that this is enough reason to leave. Obviously, you may feel differently but don't make excuses for him or try to justify his actions. There is no excuse.

@CLH23, he’s a cheat who was setting up a booty call with this OW.

You’ve written previously about this nasty piece of work. He tells you to ‘shut up’ and ‘fuck off’ in front of your daughter. There’s no sense of being a team, and if you ask him to help you with something, he says ‘fucking deal with it yourself.’ It also sounds like he abuses alcohol.

Not only are you living with a disgusting cheat who has zero respect for you, your child is learning some very damaging lessons about relationships. For both your sakes, end this destructive relationship.

I understand this is horrid. I understand leaving sounds and feels scary. I understand that you don't know what your next steps will look like.

But you know you have to leave. And I want to tell you that there's thousands of us on this website that have taken that very very difficult first step and are now living so much of a better life because of it. It takes years, but oh my word, those years feel short when you get to the sunlight on the other side.

You can do it too. Time to leave. All the best.

Get rid of him, take a short while to focus on yourself and your DD so she gets used to the changes then look for someone new who isn’t a lying cheating arse.

Oh and never go to your relatives for advice or listen to their unsolicited advice! They don’t seem to have your best interests in mind and more the ‘don’t rock the boat type’ which is fine if living in denial is your style but I’m guessing it’s not since you posted here.

What are you waiting for .
Plenty help and support here .

tough love...stop being so blind he is sleeping around if his comfty saying to the woman no bra or panties then its been going on for a long time. sorry to burst your bubble its a new year get rid before you realise your time is being wasted