Is this in anyway normal?

[Namechangesab]

Hi, I think I might have posted something similar previously so apologies. But does anyone else have this level of suicide, substance related death or OD in their lives? Is it in any way normal??

I just started speaking to a counsellor and he asked me to tell him about all the friends I've had who've died. The number was 37, starting from when i was 16 and there have been multiple even in the last year - I'm only in my 30s, and these friends were all similar ages. Out of all of those there was literally one who died of natural causes.

Is this a generational thing? Or is this just my family and friends?

I've become so desensitised I can't even cry any more.

37 friends

or 37 people who have known

and i recall you from your multiple
other threads.

You

* left school at 13, street homeless at 16.*

That will be a major contributory factor

Hi, what a terrible time you’ve had. I’m in my 50’s and have only had one close friend die in tragic circumstances in my teens (a road accident). It does seem that you’ve experienced such great, traumatic loss so hopefully your therapist can help you recover.

It’s not been my experience. So much depends on where you are and who you mix with.
For example if you join substance abuse programs you will know lots of people who struggle with that and experience pooor health and poor outcomes as a result.

As a comparitor, I’m 54 and know very few people younger than me who have died.
In my extended circle- people I’ve met but aren’t necessarily friends- one died in a car accident, another of cancer. I think that’s it? A friend lost a teenage child before I met her. A neighbour committed suicide.

So very different.

Are you focusing on tragedy in your extended circle- paying attention to all the sad and bad news? A woman in my village was murdered- I haven’t counted her because I never met her. It’s sad, but not a loss which is personal.

I’m sorry you have experienced so much loss.

It's not common no. It's more common with people who have mental illnesses or substance misuse disorders as the people they tend to know will have higher rates of suicide and accidental death. Is that your situation? It sounds very traumatising.

37 friends. Some closer than others but all actual friends.

Hi OP, it isn't normal for most people but it would be typical for a population of vulnerable people experiencing homelessness, substance use disorder etc. It is very sad and puts you at great risk. Please take all the support on offer, you deserve it.

and 37 are just those that have passed away. Presumably many many multiples have not. You have a lot of friends!

Gosh, shocking isn't it that people may lead lives that are not the norm. I'm actually too tired (generally and also of you troll hunting or whatever it is you're getting out of this interaction) to give this any form of response really but it's basically the new age traveller scene.

good grief ! 😬

Thank you. No. I didn't include anything or anyone in the list who I didn't know personally and class as a friend.

op you had one hell of an awful childhood and teenage years. As you were homeless at some point, i imagine that you made friends with a number of people with serious health issues and addictions

It's working out around 2 to 3 a year which isn't normal in most social groups for your age but certainly wouldn't be unusual in new age traveling groups. High levels of drug use, mental health issues, unresolved trauma are all prevalent in these groups which can result in early death for the reasons you say.
In the traveler community in our County in Ireland we have at least 2 suicides and/or over doses a year plus a good number of accidents, fires and even violent deaths.
So it is normal in certain sections of society but not normal for the whole of society.

Ok. Well in that case it’s not a perception problem, but a genuine horrific rate of exposure to trauma.

Do you know about secondary trauma? That’s worth looking at, too.

I’m so sorry that the incredibly difficult period of your life is still impacting you in such a concrete way. And I’m sorry for your losses.

This may sound ridiculous but, could you actively cultivate friendships with people whose background is different from yours? We tend to be drawn to people we have things in common with, but seeking out people in different places may help balance your life.

Now you describe your new age lifestyle, I imagine you know and have known a great many people. My nephew lived that lifestyle and at his funeral (natural causes) there were literally hundreds of people. I know he had friends who died young and tragically, too.

ive had 5 die from my school year which i find shocking as we are 40 but not via OD, two due to alcoholism, the others natural causes, one murder

For me, I have had very few losses of my peers. Six died in a plane crash which was obviously shocking and highly unusual. A few have lost their lives prematurely to cancer, diabetes, haemophilia, and two to road accidents. Peers, not close friends. I have only lost one close friend.

Another one gone. Ffs.

RIP Lee, you were a good friend and an all round lovely man and I'm so sorry you felt the need to do this.

No never known anyone commit suicide or OD and I'm in my 40s. Only one person from my school year has died and that was a tragic accident.
But I read on here people who have known many at my age

I hope you're getting the help you need. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like at your age to lose so many. I don't think I even know anyone who will have come near your losses.