Does age matter???

[MumzieOf5]

I’ll be as concise and brief as possible.
I am 40 with 5 children (ages 19, 17, 9, 7 & 4) and been single since I ended my relationship of 10 years back in 2020. I’ve been on some dates in that time but nothing ever progressed past 1 or 2 dates. I think it was partly because I wasn’t sure if I was truly ready to start anything new yet and finding the time to date and fit another person into my already busy life is quite difficult.
However, I started talking to a guy about 3 months ago and he’s the first guy I’ve had a real connection with since my ex. We talk every day. Have lots in common. Have the same sense of humour and great banter. It’s not become physical, we are just getting to know each other, flirting and talking about our day to day lives as single parents etc.
He is 53 years old which I haven’t found to be an issue and I don’t really think about because of the connection.
Whats people’s experience with a 10+ year age gap in a relationship? Did it make a difference? What are the pros and cons?
I’m not so much questioning my feelings for him but I am curious about other people’s experiences in my situation ☺️**

I’m married to a man 10 years older than me and it’s become an issue as we’ve aged. I often look at him and feel like I’m taking care of an old man.
You can’t help who you fall for, but I wouldn’t go for such a big gap if I was looking again.

Yes of course age matters. How much it matters is very individual on the situation. If you don’t think it’s an issue, it’s not an issue.

You are 40 not an impressionable 19 year old.

Honestly, I would be more bothered by how many kids he had and their ages. You have 4 if he has a few youngish kids, that would be a bigger obstacle for me.

Because we are all individuals. If you are happy you are happy.

Thank you for your response I appreciate it. I’ve dated people who were a year or two older than me. My long term relationships were my ex husband and father of my eldest 2 children who was 2 years younger than me and my last partner who I was with for 10 years and had my youngest 3 children with was the same.
I have wondered whether being with someone who is a little older than me might be more suitable?

We both have 5 children. His eldest is 30 and youngest is 16. We’ve both had 2 long term relationships…having 2 children with one of our partners and 3 with another.
I suppose there’s no way of knowing without giving it a try? Im taking it slow and not rushing into anything. We have spoken about taking one day at a time so we are on the same page.

My husband and I have a large age gap - life is what it is......... I will be looking after someone who is older but equally I have my own health issues and he has been doing a lot of looking after too. Count your blessings and take each day as it comes.

It matters more as you get older. DH and I are 14 years apart, he being the older and whilst I wouldn’t change anything, these last couple of years have been challenging.

We have been together nearly 30 years but now DH is retired and I am working full time in a really brutal job. It polarises things and he’s definitely ‘aged’ since retiring, he’s more boring and happy with a very slow pace which I’m not ready for.

We are still very much a couple though and I won’t be walking away. It’s a huge adjustment though, much more so than I ever imagined,

Honestly, OP, 13 years is nothing.

I know a couple who have been married for 30 years now and he is 15 years older.

I have a friend who when she was 50-ish married a man 20 years older.

I also know someone whose wife is 25 years older than he is!

Look at Carol Kirkwood- just married a man 13 years younger than she is!

Age is just a number. If you get on, stop worrying about it.

My mum is married to a man 18 yrs younger. They have been together since she was 45, she is now 80. He has always been older in his ways and she younger, and he is definitely less healthy than her (smokes a lot, has had knee surgeries etc) so the balance still works for them. I believe she will outlive him as the women in my family have all lived into their late 90s.

Guy at the gym wife is 14 years older he’s 60 in a hard manual job looking forward to retirement
his wife has just being diagnosed with dementia
he’s going to go straight from working to being a carer
he’s spent the last 5 years doing a self build which now looks as it’s going to be unsuitable

You can't predict the future. I have several friends who are widows quite young as their H's died from cancer. No one knows what lies ahead whether you marry someone older, the same age, or younger.

Some women of 60 are like very elderly people and some men of 70 are still very fit and active. It depends on genes, luck and how much care you take of yourself.

You can't predict the future. I have several friends who are widows quite young as their H's died from cancer. No one knows what lies ahead whether you marry someone older, the same age, or younger.

Some women of 60 are like very elderly people and some men of 70 are still very fit and active. It depends on genes, luck and how much care you take of yourself.

For me it would be a huge issue if I was meeting someone new. I think it's different if you'd been together since your 20s/30s with lots of shared history and kids together.
I'd not take on a man that much older than me. You're looking at a future with dwindling sex and a caring role.

It is not ideal but if he brings substantially better qualities than other options then it's worth the sacrifice.

You have to accept that he will age sooner than you will. We have other an active thread on here going on about how embarrassed someone is of her older husband. We have comments on here and other threads by women who liked the older man when they were younger and he was in his "prime", mature, financially stable etc. but now that he is aging and she is still in her prime have decided they don't like it anymore.

If you think that is going to be your reaction to him in 10 years time, don't bother is my advice let him be with someone who isn't going to dump him when he gets to retirement.

Yes on that other thread the op says the age gap matters to her more than she thought it would.

I have had a relationship with someone who was ten years older and a long relationship with someone seven years older. Seven years is fine but for me ten years is too much although the person I was with was quite old-fashioned for his age anyway. The seven years older man did develop early onset dementia after I left him and died aged 60. You never know what’s going to happen in life do you but the ageing process definitely gives you more problems.

In your case if you just want some company and a bit of fun I wouldn’t worry about it. I’d be more concerned about the ten kids and where you would both find the time!

You say you wondered if someone older would be better but at 40 I don't think there's much difference in maturity, esp of you've got kids.
The bigger issue I'd say longer term is caring for a man in his 70s when you're in your 50s at a point when littlest is finally independent.
But of course anyone can get ill or have an accident at any age.

The bigger issue for me would be the ten kids.
How many live with him? How involved is he? Does he really want to practically start again with a preschooler? What would living together look like given all the kids or is this something you wouldn't consider for a long time?

Yes the bigger issue for me would be 10 kids between to be honest.

Even though some are adults. There’s still plenty of times adult kids need to be factored into things. 10 kids would break my brain.

My mum is with her a man quite a bit older than her and it has aged her considerably. She’s only in her early 50’s but you would think she was in her 70’s like her partner. It’s really sad.

Thanks for your reply. With regards to the children. Yes we have 5 children each but he only has two living with him now as the others are adults and moved out years ago.
My situation is slightly different however. My eldest two are 19 and 17. One at university and spends at least half of the week at her boyfriend’s and the other is working full time and has recently started spending more time staying with his father now as they work for the same company. I do still have 3 younger children at home with me and that alone is a lot of work and creates difficulties when trying to arrange time to go out on dates etc but it’s not impossible.
I just wanted to clarify x

It would be a bit of an issue for me I must admit. I know a woman in her 60s, in good health, still working and enjoying her grandchildren. Meanwhile she is also a carer to her elderly husband. It's up to you though of course.