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Original poster

Am I overreacting / was this rude?

24 replies

Anasjourney9 · 31/12/2023 23:12

Dp just randomly asked me ‘do you think you’re in tip-top shape?’. I was somewhat stunned and confused by the question. I wasn’t sure how to answer it, as I am 55kg and weight train in the gym 5 days per week, if a slim muscular build, a bmi of 22 and low fat percentage, but being gym goer and mom there’s always room for improvement and I there’s a lot I’m insecure about with my body. I had 2 children and parts of my body will never be the same as before dc, mainly only my stomach.

I replied ‘no…’ then he went on to say, ‘then why are you acting up? Acting like you’re gods gift’. What he means by ‘acting up’ was that I have been on his case the last few days about his behaviour and pulling him up on things I think is not ok. I assume he thinks I’m not ‘gods gift’ so how dare I nag or question things when I’m not in the best shape??

he Then told me a little while after that it was only a joke and he just said that to annoy me and wasn’t serious. He laughed it off and I’m not sure whether I have taken it too seriously as it did bother me in the moment and made me feel insecure. I am not so much bothered now but it is in the back of my mind. I should add that he has a physically incredible body as he works out hard so naturally I could never compete with him and feel ‘less’ at times.

have I overreacted?

OP posts:
LucieLemon · 31/12/2023 23:20

He's being a nob, he picked the one thing he would know you're insecure about to put you back in your place.

It's wasn't a joke, it's not funny, but I wouldn't call it "LTB" territory (unless this is just the tip of the iceberg and he's awful in other ways too) more in future you speak to me with respect or don't bother speaking to me at all.

Pinkbonbon · 31/12/2023 23:36

I'd say you've probably under reacted.

He sounds like a gaslighting douchebag.

The feeling 'less' ...I wonder if that's actually in part because the relationship is abusive. Abusers like to make us feel 'not enough' and have many tricks in their arsenal to achieve it. One of which, includes behaviour similar to tonight's nasty remarks.

Unless you were similarly horrible, I'd suspect about him that's what is going on here.

It sounds like however, you pulled him up on some unacceptable behaviour (other disrespectful and cruel stuff perhaps?) And he subsequently, is, abusers also do - punishing you for that.

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/12/2023 23:37

He has done this deliberately to hurt you and put you in your place. He doesn't sound very nice at all. I would bet my life that you are a hundred times better looking than he is and he knows it.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2023 23:42

What a pathetic, small man. I have to wonder why you're with him.

Pinkbonbon · 01/01/2024 00:20

Ps: abusive people also like to ruin holidays.

I don't think it's a coincidence that he waited till 11pm on new years eve to say such a nasty thing to you. More likely he wants to put a dampener on the night for you. It's vindictive and cruel.

Maybe your new year's resolution should be to dump this chump and learn to love yourself instead.

I don't care how buff he is. It means sweet fa if he has all the compassion and basic decency of a friggin tapeworm.

saraclara · 01/01/2024 00:23

He has done this deliberately to hurt you and put you in your place.

Yep.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 01/01/2024 00:24

Oh, he's not nice, OP.
He said it to punish you.

Fuckmeicantbebothered · 01/01/2024 00:30

Do you need help digging the footings for a new patio OP?.... He sounds like an absolute dick.

pictoosh · 01/01/2024 00:31

So by his logic, a person (woman?) is only permitted to broach his poor behaviour if she is in peak physical shape. Otherwise she doesn't get a say. What?

That's the mindset of a very arrogant and basic man.

pictoosh · 01/01/2024 00:36

And what everyone else said as well...he wasn't joking. He's stewing because you took issue with him. I'm going to assume rightly, going by his pathetic reaction.

"No one is angrier than a narcissist being accused of something they definitely did."

I'm not diagnosing your husband (wouldn't be so silly) but I think the saying applies to a lot of toxic, egocentric people.

thewreckofthehesperus · 01/01/2024 00:39

I find it interesting that hes equating your attractiveness to how you deserve to be treated. Feels particularly shitty, if you were a supermodel does that mean he'd treat you better because you'd 'deserve' it more? Its a disturbing look into how he feels about your relationship.

In his own head does he view himself as more attractive so therefore he thinks he can get away with bad behaviour as you should be somehow 'grateful'? He'd be sadly disillusioned and pretty damn quick if I were you. Hes being a bellend and basic respect and kindness should be the bare minimum you can expect in any loving relationship.

MCOut · 01/01/2024 00:44

Everyone has their insecurities and I’m not trying to invalidate yours OP but I’m sure given how much you work out and your size you probably look amazing too. Don’t let him put you down. That wasn’t funny at all, solid arsehole behaviour from your H and you should pull him up on that too.

LusaBatoosa · 01/01/2024 00:51

You’re married to an arsehole. I’m very sorry.

scaredofff · 01/01/2024 00:53

Pinkbonbon · 01/01/2024 00:20

Ps: abusive people also like to ruin holidays.

I don't think it's a coincidence that he waited till 11pm on new years eve to say such a nasty thing to you. More likely he wants to put a dampener on the night for you. It's vindictive and cruel.

Maybe your new year's resolution should be to dump this chump and learn to love yourself instead.

I don't care how buff he is. It means sweet fa if he has all the compassion and basic decency of a friggin tapeworm.

Agree. If he thought this could he have said it another time and not right before the New Year bells!! What a way to begin the year. With an arsehole being an arsehole

SALWARP2023 · 01/01/2024 01:04

Gym 5 times a week plus 2 kids. Wow how do you find the time and work.

Justosaythis · 01/01/2024 01:11

It’s a toxic and twisted mentality but one actually a lot of men have. They feel if you’re not (in their eyes) in “tiptop shape”, to quote your partner ,then that is a flaw and therefore you have no right to criticise them.

Pinkbonbon · 01/01/2024 01:36

Justosaythis · 01/01/2024 01:11

It’s a toxic and twisted mentality but one actually a lot of men have. They feel if you’re not (in their eyes) in “tiptop shape”, to quote your partner ,then that is a flaw and therefore you have no right to criticise them.

Edited

Or they want you to think that's how they feel. They want you stuck looking at your own hang-ups rather than their colossal assholery. And if you believe that they believe you are 'not good enough' you stay stuck on that merry go round so you don't lose them. But you really should lose them, because they aren't a prize.

Passwordsffs · 01/01/2024 01:42

Absolutely 💯

· Today 00:20

Ps: abusive people also like to ruin holidays.

I don't think it's a coincidence that he waited till 11pm on new years eve to say such a nasty thing to you. More likely he wants to put a dampener on the night for you. It's vindictive and cruel.

Maybe your new year's resolution should be to dump this chump and learn to love yourself instead.

I don't care how buff he is. It means sweet fa if he has all the compassion and basic decency of a friggin tapeworm.

Latewinter · 01/01/2024 02:54

So a woman can never complain unless she's physically perfect?

Utter misogynist. He's fucking pathetic.

QueenBitch666 · 01/01/2024 03:27

His bod hasn't delivered 2 children. What an absolute vile pos

QueenBitch666 · 01/01/2024 03:30

Incredible body means fuck all when he's a misogynist gaslighting pos. What a sad twat

Disturbia81 · 01/01/2024 10:38

Wow.. what an awful, awful man. Get away from this cocky egotistical gym nut. So you can only bring things up if you look "perfect" to him!? Wtf?

Spirallingdownwards · 01/01/2024 10:46

I think it sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other perhaps. Your first half of your post is quite boastful/proud of your weight/BMI etc skills obviously something you are proud of. By your own admission you have been pulling him up for things over the past few days, things you say you think are not OK. What things? Without knowing how can we tell whether it was or wasn't reasonable of him to finally snap back and pick one of your insecurities as a means to do so.

I think the fact you haven't said what these things you are pulling him up on over a number of days suggests they are probably minor things that if you told us what they were you would get a different response.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/01/2024 10:56

He is trying to drag you down by making you question yourself re your appearance in response to you being on his case re his behaviour over the last few days.

Make 2024 the year in which you dump this awful man.

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