Dating advice

[Scarlet2906]

I'm 32 but I've never had a boyfriend and I don't have much experience with the opposite sex.

I've been on two dates with a man from my workplace. There have been some awkward pauses in the conversation before we have a few drinks, get tipsy and the conversation flows more smoothly.

The first date he was quite a bit more drunk than me, he stuck his tongue in my mouth and I just felt uncomfortable and kept giggling. As I had more drinks I felt more comfortable. We hugged and held hands and I was okay with that.

He's 7 years older than me and has a lot more experience but he seems to lack confidence around me unless he has a few drinks.

The advice I wanted to ask is, did you feel intense attraction to a man from the first date or did it take you a while until you got to know him better?

I still don't know this man very well because he works in a different department to me and we don't have much of a chance to chat.

I don't know how I feel about him. We have a laugh and he seems like a decent person but I haven't yet felt the 'spark' of attraction. After the first date I felt a bit sad for some reason, like I expected to be feeling something different about how the date had gone.

It's all new so expect these dates to be a trial run for a real relationship later. IME you need a little bit of that "spark" or attraction first up to tell you whether you fancy someone on the physical level, but everyone is different and maybe you need to feel alot more safe before you can have attraction to a real (rather than fantasy - more easy!) person. If you dont feel any more connection after 3 dates (I assume you want a relationship not just sex?) then try someone else.

It will take time and more than a few dates with different people to find someone you just really enjoy being around, then you know there's potential for a relationship.

I went back to dating after 10 years married and had dates with 6 different women, some twice (no sexual intimacy) before meeting my current girlfriend and it was obvious on the first call and first date that we clicked in a way I hadn't with the others.

Good luck and dont rush, respect your own boundaries and dont be afraid to share them on a first/second date and be honest about where you are if you meet people in person that you've found online. A genuine person will respect you and you'll save the confusion of pretending you're more experienced than you are.

Avoid alcohol when you see him.

'he stuck his tongue in my mouth and I just felt uncomfortable and kept giggling.'

'I still don't know this man very well because he works in a different department to me and we don't have much of a chance to chat.'

Do you realise how awful that sounds? You let him stick his tongue in your mouth whilst you giggled but then you admit you don't know him very well!

He's only going to view you as being a sexual contest unless you set boundaries and take personal responsibility for your own behaviour so that you are not encouraging him to grope and molest you which you will regret when you are sober!