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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner being hideous at NY

19 replies

bonzaitree · 31/12/2023 19:18

Regular poster. I usually would speak to my bestie but don’t want to ruin her NY with my drama.

Bit of a complicated situation but essentially we are waiting for some paperwork from a family member related to the purchase of a house. family member is related to me and struggles with paperwork due to neurodiversity (although she defo has legal capacity). Another family member is therefore helping them.

I understand that it’s frustrating that they haven’t sorted the paperwork. But my partner has been majorly kicking off about it. He yelled at me that my family were stupid and the situation ridiculous. Also if she doesn’t do it that’s beyond my control. All I can do is encourage/ nudge her.

Over the last few days my partners behaviour has been beyond the pale. Shouting and yelling at me. He said some things about me and our relationship to cause me pain that he then said he didn’t mean it. Currently at a do for NY but feeling unhappy and shaky.

Forget the house, I’m questioning whether I want to continue the relationship- my view is that we’re at the start of a very stressful purchase - it’s a long road then there is moving in buying furniture etc. Plus dealing with the kids and cats etc.

He has also said that due to circumstances of our purchase, nothing will go wrong! I’ve said to him of course things can (and likely will) go wrong! It’s never straightforward. Property is a period property with everything that brings. Apparently this is me looking down on him because his opinion is correct.

WWYD? He suggested he go to a family members for a few days and calm down and I agreed (but he still hasn’t gone).

OP posts:
Mabelface · 31/12/2023 19:21

Don't buy a house with him, but I think you've already realised this. Just be glad that he's revealed his true self to you before you started. Go get free and have a wonderful life.

Couchpotato3 · 31/12/2023 19:25

Oh dear, the mask has slipped, hasn't it? He's showing you who hecreally is. Trust your instincts and let him go. Use the time while he is away to get yourself organised, change locks etc and give yoyrself a fresh start in the new Yeae. Good luck!Wine

Mmhmmn · 31/12/2023 19:26

Trust your instincts. How I wish I had!

Pumpkinpie1 · 31/12/2023 19:40

OP these delays may be a blessing in disguise. Your relationship sounds very unhappy. Do you really think it’s wise to buy a house with this man

InSpainTheRain · 31/12/2023 20:03

To me it sounds like he is desperate to get his hands on your money (I could have that totally wrong of course -.but please.assess if thisncould be the case). My advice: start 2024 happier and without a angry man child who shouts and screams when he doesn't get what he wants by dumping him. He does.sound awful! Even if you had control of the situation shouting at you would be very wrong.of him.

Bananalanacake · 31/12/2023 20:56

How long have you been together, I would worry he's only interested in your inheritance.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/12/2023 21:02

Are they joint kids?

catsnore · 31/12/2023 21:07

Well the lack of paperwork gives you the chance to delay the decision/purchase while you work out what to do. It doesn't sound like he's someone to get involved with if he can't cope with this one setback.

lto2019 · 31/12/2023 21:08

I would try and see a solicitor asap in the new year and get some legal advice about what you can do to protect yourself legally and physically. Sort out a separate bank account if you don't already have one. Look into any financial support you might be entitled to.
I would tell him the paperwork re the house is delayed indefinitely and you now want to separate. Have someone you trust in the house or do it in a public place when you tell him. Have a bag packed and some where lined up if you need to stay elsewhere for a night.

mulberrybag · 31/12/2023 21:22

I'm some years down the line of ignoring my gut and continuing with a house purchase with a similar story - please heed the advice you have been given and listen to your gut! You only have one very short life, please make the decisions that future you will be proud and thankful of

squidgybits · 31/12/2023 21:39

They are showing you who they really are, please believe them

bonzaitree · 31/12/2023 23:34

I should clarify it’s not an inheritance (I don’t have one!) and we would have a declaration of trust so he would get any money per se.

OP posts:
rockstarshoes · 01/01/2024 00:49

Can you still go ahead and buy it without him?

bonzaitree · 01/01/2024 00:59

I can buy A house but not the one we were looking at.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 01/01/2024 01:32

I'd rather throw myself off a cliff than buy a house with him.

rockstarshoes · 01/01/2024 01:33

Then I would think very carefully about going ahead with this!

buidhe · 01/01/2024 01:36

Run a mile.

Girlsjustwannahavefundamentalrights · 01/01/2024 01:57

He thinks your disabled family member is stupid because they struggle with paperwork?

I would be kicking him out permanently. He doesn't respect any of you.

Pinkbonbon · 01/01/2024 02:07

He sounds like a bully and an arsehole. Don't buy a house with him.

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