Partner lost interest after baby

[Lily189]

Hi eveyone
I just had my third baby 4 weeks my other two children are 3 and 1
Everything has been going good im doing nights with the baby while my partner does nights with older reo as I can't lift them out their cots as I had a c scetion
This last week my partner just seems distant our kids go to bed at 7 and last night he went to bed at 8 so we got no time together the kids didnt get up till 8.30 so he had a good sleep and he just went up for a nap it seems like he's doing it to avoid sitting with me he barley even spoke me I asker was he OK he just said yes and sat on his phone
he also wants to drink more usually 2 times a week tonight is nye we have our kids don't have the spare money for him get drink and I feel he's being dry with me because he wishes he was able to go out drink
I get it I'd love to do soemthing tonight but we're parents and that has come first
I feel he's being selfish huffing about it I hqvnt got to do anything in 10 months I'm up down all night with a newborn he still gets to drink and relax 2 times a week

I feel like he cares about ut more than me ge just downt seem interested in me at all atm I know it's stressful with 3 kids but I feel like we need still make time for eachother
I dunno how bring it up him he probably brush it off I love him to pieces just want know he still feels same

Having a drink twice a week doesn’t seem selfish but you complaining that he would like a drink on NYE does. With a four week old baby and two other young kids he’s probably tired so I can’t blame him for going to bed early in the week either. Having a new baby is just as stressful for a man as a woman so cut him some slack unless it carries on for the long term.

@ManHereSorry Having a new baby is not just as stressful for a man as it is for a woman, not even close. Only a man would say that.

A woman has to recover from the pregnancy and giving birth, she has to get used to milk production even if she isn't breastfeeding, which can be incredibly painful, and she's far more likely to be doing the lion's share of the caregiving. Her hormones go crazy. You've got absolutely no idea.

OP, it doesn't sound like your OH is dealing very well with the new baby's arrival. I'm sorry he isn't supporting you as well as he should be. He absolutely shouldn't be prioritising drinking over you and your kids' well-being. Of course being a parent has to come first, and his reaction to not being able to go out drinking tonight sounds incredibly childish and selfish.

I mean everyone is different but honestly you have a toddler and 2 babies. It’s going to be quite grim for a while.
not a lot of sleep and lots of drudgery…

The guys is exhausted and I can understand he’s like to have a few beers on NYE. (At home going out would be nuts)

We are going to have 2 under 2 in a few weeks.
I fully expect to be “in the trenches” just trying to survive for the first 3-6 months… and I have a hands on mother who lives nearby and my oldest will still be in FT childcare 🥴🥴

I don’t expect to be snuggling up watching Netflix / having a long interesting chat with my DH for a good while tbh 😅