Confused

[Sandie9]

Hi ladies, don't know what your take is. I'm in a 6 year relationship, engaged for five. Second long term relationship for us both. We are both in our mid fifties,kids grown up. His three nearby and mine living abroad.
I moved in with him 4 years ago (I have my own house an hour away) to make it easier for both of us with the commute and also he had bought an old large derelict house at auction so we were working on that since lockdown. We are still working on it as it's a huge project plus he built his one of his daughters house in between. I'm beginning to feel and probably have for a while a little unsettled (although very happy with him). I work full time and also help as much as I can with the house renovation (as well as all the grocery shopping, cooking,cleaning,laundry). Now, financially I only contribute half towards groceries and taking my turn paying for meals or treats out,and have offered to pay my share of electric also but he wouldn't hear tell of it.
My worry is this,I'm working hard on the renovation with him amd I feel I'm sacrificing a lot of my time for it and he has never said that if he died or something happened that part of it would be left to me. I've brought up about a wedding date and he says he'l will but really wants more done to the house first which I understand. Otherwise regarding wills/the house I broached the subject over a year ago and asked about what would happen if God forbid something happened to him would I habe to move out? He said no that he would have to make a will,amd I said that's fine. He has never mentioned that since. I sm thinking of asking him again tomorrow outright what way has he it or am I wrong? I'm quite a easy going and soft person so this isn't easy for me but it just doesn't sit right with me now. More info,he runs and owns a business with his son. My only interest is the house that I'm l8ving in amd working on.
Any advice welcomed thank you x

Have you actually got a will in place though ?

I'm guessing there isn't a lot of time for either of you to do fun things together if the master renovator continues to make building his children's and his own house his life's work. Where does that leave you? As PPs have said, you're free labour which maybe he feels is offset by your lack of input where bills are concerned. Is it a fair trade? Only you can decide that and it sounds as if you've had enough. Renovation is tough and bloody hard work, I've done it 3 times but it was a joint effort with my husband and we both shared the benefits of living in great houses at the end of the day. Five years engagement is a bit of a joke to be honest and I mean no offence by that. I wanted to get married for the very same reasons you do, I told him and we did it in a month. Just a registry office ceremony but it sealed our commitment and mine and my children's future. It's easy.

Thank you all for your advice.. I brought it up earlier today.. I said I wouldn't be able ro finish the house financially,physically or mentally if something happened to him.amd asked if he'd left instructions with Amy of his kids. He said no, that he needed to make a will amd sort stuff out and said something about his boys and ge was waiting to see how he was going to sort the business with them, but didn't really elaborate. So I responded and said ,well obviously the business will be divided on your sons and they can decide how they want to run it after your day (obviously I have no interest in it and he knows that I'm not interested in anything except the house I'm spending and have spent years on with him), so they will also be deciding what to do with the house too,and again he said he will have to make a will. But I broached this over a year ago amd he hasn't done anything yet. So, I'm letting it sit for a couple of months and see what he dies,then I have to decide on my options.

You did the same post different bloke in 2015 🤣🤣 you inheritance collecting ?

Why are you letting it sit?

'You said you'd make a will over the years ago. So please get it sorted this month and keep me in the loop. I'm not ok with waiting and worrying. Get it done'.

Stop waiting for him to pull his finger out.

OMG, I never think to look at posters history.

OP what happened to your previous partner? Did he include you in the will and then came to an untimely end? 🤔

In the old post, it was nothing to do with inheritance whatsoever,it was a relationship issue.
I am letting it sit because its just too stressful, I've been through the mill with a previous relationship amd my divorce (note got little to nothing from my divorce except my lovely kids,and nothing from previous relationship). I'm actually a very easy going person. This I feel is different in thar I'm engaged, living with him amd doing,and have done years of work on the house. I feel I don't want to be used and walked on either.

Umm no it was definitely about him making provision for you in his will. Here is a link to refresh your memory. 😅

Live in Partners finance and his grown up daughters | Mumsnet

Also, I broke up the last relationship as it became very apparent he was a narcissist and verbally abusive. I let him away with too much and he nearly destroyed me,but I stayed strong and left him.
And yes as one of you said,renovation is very hard work physically amd mentally. And we do get away for a night sometimes and also twice a year on a week's holiday so we have that time together. But,otherwise not a lot as it has been and will be full on with trying to get more of it done now. I will not ask him again,if he doesn't come to me and say it's sorted I really to have to rethink my options here even though I l9ve him very much. I'm 53 and not getting younger,and time is precious,all our time is precious.

This.
He doesn't want to marry you.

He's stalling about making a Will, which just takes one visit to a solicitor so there's no excuse. Have you suggested going together to make both your wills?

He might have a will already that he doesn't want to change.

If you really want to stay with him, accept that the house will pass to his children. Stop providing him with free labour.