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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

End it or not to end it

15 replies

Zayana · 31/12/2023 00:58

Sooooo me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years in April. We live together with my mum and 4 year old daughter. We all get on great. He’s such a brilliant stepdad and supportive partner. We have a laugh, he helps out so much. He and my mum get along great! BUT!!!!! every time he goes out with his friends, he turns his phone off & he doesn’t come home. It’s not all the time but enough to make me think I can’t do this anymore. We’ve had a lovely Xmas and been together for it all, but tonight he ‘pops to see the boys’ then at around 9:30pm phones off ! Now I know he’s not cheating or anything, I know he drinks too much when out and enters his own world sort of speak but I’m fu*kin sick of it. It makes me feel totally worthless and annoying. I know it’s healthy in a relationship to go out with friends etc and I do encourage it because every time I think he’ll change and just come home. I genuinely think only 3 times he’s actually come home after a night out. I just feel totally at a fucking loss. I’m sobbing writing this because I’m so gutted but I can’t enter 2024 with this constantly happening

OP posts:
FatFemale · 31/12/2023 02:46

Sounds like the behaviour of an 18 year old to me. Hes got form for this, you’ve expressed how it makes you feel. He still does it. Bin him off

Tallerandtall · 31/12/2023 05:30

@Zayana

have you spoke to him about it?

Original poster
Zayana · 31/12/2023 05:33

Endless times … it’s always the same sorrys

OP posts:
Fleetheart · 31/12/2023 05:36

you can’t go on like this; it’s awful. You can’t make him do what you want but you don’t have to live with it. Honestly live is too short for this. My ex used to do this it sent me completely doolally.

HappiestSleeping · 31/12/2023 05:36

You can end a relationship for any reason you choose.

Is it that he turns his phone off that bothers you, or that he stays out all night? Does he turn his phone off when he's out with you too?

ThesecondLEM · 31/12/2023 06:09

Fuck that. How old is he?

brainworms · 31/12/2023 06:09

Frankly, if he's going out and having a boozy night with the lads, it's probably best that he stays over with one of them so he doesn't come in drunk and wake folks up.

However if he isn't letting you know he's staying out, then that's selfish of him. If he can't commit to telling you he's staying out and that he's safe, he wants a kick up the arse.

Burntouted · 31/12/2023 09:21

You don't know what he's doing 24/7, therefore he could be cheating as well.

You've spoken to him numerous times.
He still does it.
Leave or stay. You are allowed to breakup for any reason.

If you date again, make sure that you have a place of your own.

Living with your mom, will eventually cause problems in relationships.

Original poster
Zayana · 31/12/2023 10:17

It’s the phone thing for me, everyone is entitled to a night out which I completely don’t mind! AS LONG as I know, I quick text or phone call is all I ask but don’t get it!

OP posts:
Catapultaway · 31/12/2023 10:27

Why are you phoning him at 9.30 every time he goes out?
I'd probably turn my phone off too. But that aside, if its a deal breakers for you then break up with him. You don't need others opinions on what's acceptable to you.

Original poster
Zayana · 31/12/2023 10:31

I was phoning him at 9:30 as he’d been out since 4pm and was only ‘popping to see his friends’ so thanks for that

OP posts:
Staniam · 31/12/2023 11:44

He doesn't like you 'controlling' him.
He lacks the empathy to understand how it makes you feel.
He refuses to change, despite your explanations and his apologies. He's incapable of respecting your boundaries.

FatFemale · 31/12/2023 13:55

what is his excuse for this behaviour?

is it worth issuing a final ultimatum or have you had enough? Is it time to end it?

Original poster
Zayana · 31/12/2023 14:05

No excuses just ‘too drunk’ every time. I think I’ve finally had enough, nothing ever changes. No matter what I say or do. I am easy going and don’t care about the going out, all I ask is for a simple text when out or even just come home, this has happened way too many times now

OP posts:
Original poster
Zayana · 31/12/2023 14:25

@FatFemale No excuses just ‘too drunk’ every time. I think I’ve finally had enough, nothing ever changes. No matter what I say or do. I am easy going and don’t care about the going out, all I ask is for a simple text when out or even just come home, this has happened way too many times now

OP posts:
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