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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just want him back

12 replies

Cuig · 30/12/2023 22:15

I know I’m pathetic admitting this but I feel so low right now. We broke up a year ago and he was probably the best partner I ever had. Far from perfect but perfect for me. I texted him the other night and we met up and spent the night and I haven’t heard from him since. I know what this means and I feel so crap and sad. I keep thinking of all the things we did and how different I was then, and how amazing it was to be loved by him. But I also remember how incredibly cold he could be. I’m so so tempted to text him but I already hate myself for being so pathetic 😒

OP posts:
category12 · 30/12/2023 22:19

Oh don't text him, you don't want to be a booty call, do you? It's no good for you if you want more and he doesn't.

Watchkeys · 30/12/2023 22:23

Have a look into yourself instead of going 'external'... where did you learn that this was what 'perfect love' looked like? It often stems from childhood, with a parent or parents who are preoccupied with other things, and don't prioritise you consistently, perhaps due to illness or addiction, or a poor relationship between themselves. Or a demanding sibling... Would any of that apply to you?

Cantdoitagain1 · 30/12/2023 22:24

Your pain is palpable. I hope you’re ok.

Galectable · 30/12/2023 22:26

Think about 'how incredibly cold he could be' and ask if that is controlling narcissistic behaviour? You are a better person without him.

Original poster
Cuig · 30/12/2023 22:51

Thank you. I was in a really bad place when I met him and he turned my life around so I guess I still carry a torch.

OP posts:
Ofcourseshecan · 31/12/2023 00:41

Don’t hate yourself for being a warm and loving human being, OP. Learn to love and respect yourself more. You’ve already got yourself out of a bad place in the past (you say he got you out of it, but he couldn’t have done that without your efforts too) so you can achieve that again.

Spend time doing things that bring you joy, and time with good friends who lift your spirits. You don’t need this cold and exploitative man in your head. Banishing him will give you the chance of meeting someone better for you.

Original poster
Cuig · 31/12/2023 12:28

Thank you, I didn’t text him ❤️

OP posts:
something2say · 31/12/2023 12:35

As well Cuig, life removes people rom us that aren't meant to be there I think. Whenever a thing has come to a shock end in my life, I've sometimes tried to get it back, and succeeded, only to later think "aha this is why it left my life' - and now I respect that.

Be careful that you don't think he is the only one - he fit for a while, but it ended and whether you can see why or not, that is a fact.

Try to look forward now - what will you achieve this year? Be humble and work towards being the best woman you can be.

LadyLolaRuben · 31/12/2023 12:37

Think of it this way...if you text him you will get more of the same treatment. That will make you feel worse. The longer you go without texting, the closer you are to the next chapter of your life x

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2023 12:45

Cuig · 30/12/2023 22:51

Thank you. I was in a really bad place when I met him and he turned my life around so I guess I still carry a torch.

YOU turned your life around. No one else could have done that for you, so don't give the credit to a "cold" man who you're better off without.

It's a new year tomorrow, op. Don't ruin your fresh start by clinging onto past bullshit.

category12 · 31/12/2023 12:46

Cuig · 31/12/2023 12:28

Thank you, I didn’t text him ❤️

Well done 💐

thefirstmrsrochester · 31/12/2023 12:56

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2023 12:45

YOU turned your life around. No one else could have done that for you, so don't give the credit to a "cold" man who you're better off without.

It's a new year tomorrow, op. Don't ruin your fresh start by clinging onto past bullshit.

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Wonderful advice from @Aquamarine1029 , all the very best for 2024 Cuig.

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