Me and my inflexible plans…

[InAMess2023]

For context I have ASD and one of the things I struggle with is changes to plans, I thrive off routine etc. I absolutely hate New Year’s Eve, have done for years so the past few years I’ve stayed home alone with some nice food and an expensive bottle of champagne, gone to bed early as is usual and then been miffed at the fireworks waking me up at midnight 🤣

However, just got back from an amazing date. Like totally amazing. He’s already said he can’t wait to see me again but he’s due to go away for a couple of weeks at least sometime soon (he has a property in a city 3 hours away he’s renovating - should have gone today but he put it off in order to meet me).

I kind of want to invite him round but I also don’t want to seem too forward! I don’t really want to suggest we go out somewhere as where I live is terrible on NYE but I feel like if we don’t do something then I won’t see him for a fair while and I’ll be back into work mode etc by then (I work a lot of overtime). Also thought maybe we could do lunch but that seems a bit silly when we’d both then be sat home alone all night.

He did say he wasn’t sure when he was going away and kind of felt he was waiting to see what I did. I know I’m overthinking this but it’s been so long since I met someone I actually like! For further context he lives 30 mins away so taxi home isn’t reasonable, I do have a spare room but there’s no bed 🤣

how well do you know him? I think that's the biggest question if you invite him round.

@EmmaEmerald we've been chatting for a while but no not overly well. My family and friends all have his photo and number though in case he was an axe murderer! I think it's just me being a problem as my home is my happy place

Is this an internet date?

I wouldn't invite him into your home, tbh. Sounds like you have a bit of a high from a good date. If you feel your home is your safe space, I think it should stay that way.

@EmmaEmerald yeah I met him online but we have a lot of mutual friends. I think you've just convinced me though it's not wise. I'll maybe suggest a brunch or lunch tomorrow depending what time he's travelling

Hang on, you've met this guy once and you want to invite him into your home ( your safe space) for NYE? Are you crazy?
If you want to see him, you could suggest lunch on NYDay - tomorrow is too soon, I reckon, or just wait and see.

@DelphiniumBlue I get the impression that if I don't see him tomorrow he's going to be going away for 2-3 weeks

Going against the grain, I don't think there is a massive risk in inviting him round - you have mutual friends so you know he is who he says he is. Yes he might turn out to be a murderer, anybody might, but the chances he would attack or murder you in these circumstances are vanishingly small - you would be much more likely to be harmed or killed if you invited somebody over who you know well. I used to work with rape and abuse survivors - believe me I do not minimise the risk men pose to women - but in these circumstances it is exceedingly small. If you continue dating him you Will invite him over at some point - there will ALWAYS be some risk - life is never totally risk free sadly.

I would do it if you feel like it! You only live once - at worst (murder aside) you will have a slightly shit awkward NYE - at best it might be mind-vlowingly romantic, special and amazing! He can always say no if he doesn't fancy it - be ready that he might have other plans ....

I’d meet him for lunch.

He sounds ever so slightly flaky with the plans - is he travelling somewhere or not, how long will he be away for etc? - so I’d just suggest either lunch tomorrow or on NYD and go from there. Too soon otherwise, and too charged of an evening to have him over with no plan for chucking him out if necessary!

You don't entirely know that he's making out there will be a big gap if you don't meet tomorrow, just so you'll be pushed into seeing him. Inviting an Internet date to your home implies you'd be up for sex too, so if this is not what you want yet- and best not to if he's going away for 2-3 weeks after- avoid awkward conversations around expectations by not going there yet.
It sounds too much like squeezing you in before he goes away, with no guarantee he won't ghost you after.
If you meet for lunch, be careful not to extend it into the evening, or better still, just let it sit for the time he's away and see if he stays in contact over that period. If he thinks you are worth waiting for after your first date, he will hang in there while away.