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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unsure what to think

3 replies

drowningintinsel · 30/12/2023 18:42

About 18 months ago my husband went out with work friends. He mainly works with females. No issues with this. He came home blind drunk, was shouting on the doorstep to someone who had given him a lift home. I went down to him and he was flat out on the sofa with his phone. I picked it up and he'd sent a Facebook message to a woman he works with daughter. He'd said are you ok and she replied yeah thanks. That was it. I thought it was odd so looked at his other messages on WhatsApp. They were to his female colleagues saying how stunning they looked and that he'd had a brilliant night etc. I woke him up and asked him what they were about he was so drunk I couldn't get anything out of him. The next day I asked what that was about. He just didn't seem to have an answer but said they were work colleagues and I asked about the woman's daughter. He said she works there now. I said I wasn't comfortable with it and he's said ok. He also doesn't drink when he goes out with them anymore. Fast forward to today and I was on Facebook and there was a friend I had in common with a lot of people but didn't recognize the name. I clicked on the profile and it turns out it's a colleague of my husbands. There was a post of him and the women he works with from a few months ago. I knew he'd gone out but he's tagged in this picture and it isn't on his profile so I'd have never seen it if I hadn't looked at this woman's profile. There is nothing untoward and he drove there. However, his brother has commented on the post and isn't friends with the woman. Does that mean he's hiding posts from me? I have no clue on things like this! But I don't get it as I knew he was out with them all so nothing to hide.

OP posts:
retinolalcohol · 30/12/2023 18:49

Yes there is a setting on Facebook to hide posts from specific people. If his brother has seen it, and he isn't friends with the woman, it sounds like he has allowed her to tag him and it's on his profile - except you can't see it there because you're blocked from seeing it. I'm not sure that he can choose who has been blocked if it's her post, though?

Either way I think he sounds like he's got a case of the wandering eye. What would his motivations be to tell women at work they look gorgeous or whatever, apart from signaling his interest?

retinolalcohol · 30/12/2023 18:52

I've just done some googling and it seems that for the post to be hidden she would have had to set the privacy settings of the photo to 'share with people except for ........'

Is there a chance his brother just happened to search for the woman & comment without it necessarily being on your DH's profile?

drowningintinsel · 30/12/2023 18:56

@retinolalcohol it's possible
His brother did that. He's a bit of a weirdo.

He told all of the female colleagues that they looked stunning. I said it's not appropriate and if a male colleague had messaged that to me then he wouldn't be happy. I can't see the woman colleague hiding it from me. I've had a look and I can choose who I post too. I'm going to see if I can post something and hide it from him. That's the only way I'll find out. The brother doesn't come up as a mutual friend on her profile.

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