Navigating Rough Waters: Drifting Apart After Second Child

[WorriedMum2h]

Hi

Need some advice here. Ever since our second kid (now 5), things between me and my partner have been off. We’ve had sex since then, but honestly, I don’t enjoy it anymore. A couple of years back, we had a big argument about him always wanting sex. I called him a sex pest and said I’m not into it anymore. He looked really hurt, and since then, he hasn’t made a move or even tried to kiss me.

He’s a great dad, really helps out with the kids, which is something. But this Christmas, he wouldn’t come to my parents’ for dinner. I’m scared if I push things, he might leave, and I’m not sure I could cope on my own.

He’s always home late, heads straight to the gym after work, and then it’s just him and his Xbox.

Here’s another thing: a mate who works with him says there’s this new girl at his work who’s into him, sending him WhatsApps and stuff. He’s not hiding his phone or anything, but it’s still got me thinking.

What do you lot think? I don’t want to drive him further away, but I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

Thanks.

If you want to save the relationship you need to open up the lines of communication and maybe look into counselling as a couple. The current situation isn’t healthy or fair on either of you.

after being called a sex pest, even if just said in the heat of the moment, I can completely understand why he hasn’t tried to instigate any intimacy since with you. Have you tried instigating it with him?

Your feelings for him have obviously changed and unless you actively want to work on the relationship and get it back to a better place (and yes that is likely to mean working on your sex life too as it’s unfair to expect him to stay in a sexless marriage if that’s not what he wants) the fairest and kindest thing would be to end the relationship. It’s unfair on the other person to continue to limp a long purely because you don’t think you can cope on your own.

You need to work out what you ultimately want from the relationship, have the difficult conversation with your husband, see how he wants to progress the relationship and see if these both align. If they do, it will take a lot of hard work from both of you.