Falling out of love during an argument?

[Moonie5]

NC because I’m embarrassed and I know I’m on the wrong but I don’t know how to fix it.

I feel I’m somewhat falling out of love with DH when we argue. I just find it so hard to move on…it always takes me 2-3 days to get back to normal. During the first day, I feel that I really can’t be near him. It takes all my effort to give him affection or even have a normal conversation. I’m aware that silent treatment is abusive so I’m trying very hard not to do that…but it is hard because I just really don’t want to touch him or even be in the same room with him. He’s not the kind of person that talks about an argument or apologises, but he’ll go back to normal after a few hours. Tries to hug me as usual when we go to bed. I would like to do the same, especially if it was something silly, but I just can’t? It’s like every fibre in my body wanting/needing to be away from him. This often brings up another argument because DH - probably rightly so - then feels that I’m stonewalling him.
Im not sure if I’m making sense or if anyone experiences something similar? How can I stop feeling this way?

Perhaps you (understandably) need the sense of closure or resolution that talking about the argument, apologies and making up would bring, and it’s hard for you to leap back in as normal without those things

I agree. If you don’t resolve the problem then this leads to resentment.

What are your arguments about? Who starts them?

Brushing them under the carpet is what is causing you to feel that way.

Maybe you could let him know that you'd like to talk about what happened because unlike him, it's not as easy for you to just forget it and be normal

I think this all boils down to what the arguments are about and what is said.

If he is anyway abusive in these arguments, such as calling you names or belittling you etc, then your reaction is normal.

However, if they are run of the mill disagreements, then it may maybe a 'you' problem. Sometimes it helps to look at how our parents reacted in similar circumstances.

If the arguments aren't resolved I wouldn't be able to move on that easily either. I don't have to "win" but a calm discussion and agreed way forward is needed.

How often is this happening? Do you feel like he picks fights or is it you/equal?
I had an ex once who always had to be right so even a simple difference of opinion would end up being a big row because he'd put me down make me feel stupid. He expected me to just accept he was right and move on too.

It’s usually just different opinions that somehow get heated. He’s not the best in handling a different opinion, but then I tend to push a topic. We’re both very stubborn, that doesn’t help. Otherwise things are great so I want to find a way past such arguments.

Ive tried to talk it out with him, but that doesn’t lead anywhere. He’s getting too defensive. I’m aware that’s another issue.

I would like to move on but I just resent him. I would leave him if this was a permanent feeling, but it isn’t, so I wonder if this is a me-problem and I just need to learn how to move on after arguments.

Sounds like couples counselling would help you communicate better. But I’m going to assume that he’d say no.