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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Traffic accident

20 replies

HR313 · 29/12/2023 23:12

So today I’ve been round my mums with my two DCs aged 6 & 2. My youngest was up in the night for an hour or so and felt a bit rubbish this morning. OH had to work and left about 8am.. but that’s beside the point (not sure if it boils down to being tired) but drove home with kids at about 3.30pm. however 5 mins from home had to go on a diversion as there had been a car accident involving several vehicles. It was getting dark so pulled over to call OH and to explain I was getting worried about how I would get back.

He then went on to say he had seen there had been an accident and that id have to figure out a way to get home! I eventually did (took 45 minutes) thankfully youngest was asleep for most of the journey. Anyway I spoke to his sister as we are
planning a family get together tomorrow and she asked if we were ok as she had seen on local face book page re the accident. I said we were fine and mentioned OH hadn’t let us know about it. I told him I had said this to her and he totally blew up. He’s been acting like a real twat all evening now because of this. I actually hate the man and how he could be so down right horrible. The fact he couldn’t care less about me or our children, it’s really hurtful. I want to leave him, but unfortunately trapped by him 😞 no point to this post but just feel completely deflated and exhausted by it all.

OP posts:

Mmhmmn · 29/12/2023 23:18

Sorry to see you’re feeling trapped by him. In what way - financially? Start thinking about your future without him and planning your exit as you can’t stay with a man that you hate. You will be able to leave, it will just take planning.

category12 · 29/12/2023 23:18

What is it that traps you with him if you want to leave the relationship?

It sounds like you have supportive family, wouldn't they help you leave him?

If he's abusive, Women's Aid could advise you.

QueSyrahSyrah · 29/12/2023 23:22

I'm sorry that you're feeling exhausted and trapped OP, but I'm not sure I fully get the gist of what happened today? Is it that your OH didn't tell you about the nearby accident?

I don't think my DH would necessarily think to tell me in a similar situation, he'd know that I could work out an alternative route if it was close to home.

That aside, if you want to leave him then can your family help you? x

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2023 23:23

OK so tbf maybe he blew up becayse he felt you were badmouthing him to his sister. And now tomorrows get together is going to suck because she will be on at him.

Realistically what could he actually have done to help you regarding the diversion?
Especially if he was at work when he heard about it.

That asside...if he's generally all round awful and you hate him, time take accountability for your own future and start devising a way out of the relationship.

He may have trapped you up until now. But now you are aware, you need to start making responsible choices towards your own freedom.

I know it's easier said than done when the bastards drained you. But the first step is to start saying 'I need to get myself free' as opposed to 'he's trapped me'.

Singleandproud · 29/12/2023 23:26

I'm not sure what the traffic accident has to do with anything else - just the straw that broke the camels back? I would expect a driver to work out a way home too or park up and walk if you were that close and pick the car up tomorrow. I'm not sure why you rang (bit different if you'd broken down) but diversions happen. But if he has a history of being a twat then start getting your ducks in a row. Don't have any more children, get back to work asap if you aren't already to get some financial freedom and in a year or so (providing he isn't actually abusive) you can leave, or leave sooner and move in with family if you can.

Hellocatshome · 29/12/2023 23:30

Ok I'm assuming there is a lot more to this than he had seen there was a car accident which might impact your journey home and didnt tell you about it whilst he was at work.

If you actually hate him then leave but don't leave because he didn't tell you about a potential diversion.

scoutingfor · 29/12/2023 23:32

I can't for the life of me work out what you think he did wrong

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2023 23:35

The stories irrelevant, what is relevant is that you hate him.

How are you trapped?

SamW98 · 29/12/2023 23:40

scoutingfor · 29/12/2023 23:32

I can't for the life of me work out what you think he did wrong

Glad it’s not just me. If I’m reading this correctly, there were road closures due to an accident, OP phoned DH to tell him and he told her she would have to find another route home. And the OP is upset he didn’t mention this to his sister?

Bit confused as to what he’s done wrong if I’m honest - there has to be more to this

perfectcolourfound · 30/12/2023 10:01

Like pp, I think there must be much more to this that you haven't mentioned. Because he's doing nothing wrong as far as I can see.

I came across a road closure a couple of weeks ago. I knew my DH might be coming down that road a few mins behind me, but also he might have gone another way altogether. I didn't tell him about the closure because a) I was driving, and b) he was driving, and c) it wouldn't save him any time to know in advance.

I also don't understand why you called him 5 mins from home to say you didn't know how you'd get home. How could he help at that point? Surely you know the local roads as well as he does? And he was at work!

StillWantingADog · 30/12/2023 10:04

I said we were fine and mentioned OH hadn’t let us know about it. I told him I had said this to her and he totally blew up.

but you HAD told him? Either way I don’t understand what went wrong. He does sound like a bit of a twat though I don’t understand exactly what went wrong here

QuillBill · 30/12/2023 12:06

He then went on to say he had seen there had been an accident and that id have to figure out a way to get home!

Are you upset that he hadn't told you about the accident or that he didn't help guide you home?

If I knew there was an accident on a route my wife was going to take and it was before you left then I'd tell you. If it was after you left then I wouldn't because it's a distraction.

LittleBrenda · 30/12/2023 12:09

What time was it by this stage if you were worried about getting home?

User69371527 · 30/12/2023 12:11

I’m not sure what you think he did wrong?

Beckafett · 30/12/2023 12:19

There must be lots missing to this post as not sure what you wanted him to do really.

rwalker · 30/12/2023 12:27

I Think you were pissed off at the traffic and are taking it out in him
you were 5 minutes from home unless you have just moved to the area I’d presume you’d know how to get home yourself

he knew you had been in the accident so that’s a non issue

its unnecessary to be slagging him off to your sister for this no one like been talked about behind there backs

Hoosemover · 30/12/2023 16:03

There must be something else about wrong about your relationship if this is upsetting you.

You got stuck in traffic because of an accident and had to take a detour. Mountain out of a molehill.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/12/2023 16:14

I can't work out where the traffic incident fits in, as DH wouldn't tell me if he saw an accident as he knows I would be able to find my way home either way.

But clearly, you shouldn't be in this relationship anymore if you hate him and so you need to leave.

UsingChangeofName · 30/12/2023 16:30

I think you've confused people by making this about a traffic accident / diversion.
The key point here is I actually hate the man and how he could be so down right horrible. The fact he couldn’t care less about me or our children, it’s really hurtful. I want to leave him, but unfortunately trapped by him

Do you want to tell us why you hate him, and also why you are trapped by him. It sounds like you have family around to support, if you leave him.

Britpop123 · 30/12/2023 16:33

This can’t be about the traffic as he did nothing wrong there. Have a think about what it’s really about

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