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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Trying to kick me out

4 replies

Louise19821 · 29/12/2023 22:13

Hi all needing some advice please

I have been in a relationship for 8 years on a joint mortgage which we both pay. I split with my ex due to him constantly lying to me whilst I was at home looking after our child who is sadly palliative. The constant lies pushed me away I caught him out so many times. I ended it but we continued living together in which I have now found someone else. My ex is now trying to kick me out the house saying its his.. we have a son together who is palliative. I don't know what to do. Do I walk out? But I'll be homeless! He's saying it's my fault as I found someone else but he's the one who pushed me with the lies and going behind my back. Our mortgage is up for renewal next month too.

OP posts:

MMadness · 29/12/2023 22:24

Do not leave.

If he cannot deal with your new relationship, tough luck.

And in saying that, and I mean this gently, right now with your child being palliative it's possibly not the right time to be extending yourself emotionally. I cannot imagine how hard it is. It's possible that your ex is focussing on your relationship as an outlet for his grief and anger rather than the situation with your child.

If it's a joint mortgage you absolutely do not have to leave, it's simple.

Definitely obtain legal advice and if he persists tell him that if he wants you to leave he must either pay you out or sell and you both leave.

At the very least he should shut the fuck up for the sake of your child's peace.

RedRock41 · 29/12/2023 22:32

I’m so sorry about your son. That must be the hardest situation to try and get your head and heart round for you all. If your ex is hard to talk to could you write him a note? Keep it brief and just say you know things are really difficult (understatement) between you both atm but that you need to call a truce for the sake of your DS. That all details with house can wait until after so you can both look back and be proud that as parents you put his needs first. Tell him you’re sorry he’s hurting. That you’re hurting too but that you are sure you can both do right in this impossibly sad circumstance and hope that he is in agreement. White flag. No more rows and be as kind as you can be to yourselves and each other.

YoBeaches · 29/12/2023 22:45

What is the plan OP anyway regardless of meeting someone else? I mean timing isn't ideal given you are still co-habiting but it's not really the issue here.

When did you 'end' the relationship and what was your plan to actually separate? Have you spoken to a solicitor for advice?

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2023 22:58

Want to know the secret he doesn't want you to know?

He likely doesn't actually want you to move out. Because if you did, he'd have to be the primary caregiver for your son. And...how much of that does he actually bother with right now?

This is punishment stress. He is trying to make your life more difficult.

Call his bluff 'Right so, I can move out soon! But you'll have to be the primary caregiver as this is our sons home and I'm not moving him out'

Watch him shock pikachu face and backpeddle like his life depends on it.

(If he gives it 'so you're abandoning our son?' Then say 'one of us has to move out of this house. Would you be 'abandoning our son' if it was you?')

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