I think I’m bisexual - how do I go about exploring this?

[CuriousJBJ]

I’m in my 40’s, single with an older teenager who still lives at home. I’ve always had relationships with men, although I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have crushes on women too.

I’ve realised that most of my relationships have been completely unfulfilling; I’ve only really had “good” sex a couple of times, and I’ve only had that butterflies-in-stomach feeling about a man two or three times. Can’t say I’ve ever been heartbroken when a relationship has ended, which has often made me wonder if there’s something wrong with me, or if I’m just settling for someone I’m not actually that bothered about.

I’m realising that, actually, most of my “crushes” are on women, not men, and I’ve had a few sex dreams recently involving women, which really has me questioning my sexuality. I’ve experimented a little in the past and kissed a few women after drunken nights out, but I’ve always assumed I’m straight but curious. However, I’m wondering if I’d actually be happier with a woman!

I just don’t know how to go about finding out. I don’t really like dating sites and I don’t do clubs and pubs anymore. I’ve always needed a connection with someone to be attracted to them, so random hook ups have never really appealed. I also don’t want to “use” someone to experiment with to find out what’s going on with me, if that makes any sense?

Any advice/words of wisdom/people in the same boat welcomed! From a confused, middle aged, unhappy lady!

Perhaps someone would be happy with a no strings hook up with you, to see. There must be online dating type sites where you could ask?

If that’s not the case, I apologise!

Place marking as like you I am questioning my sexuality and whether I might want to be with a woman, I have kissed women in my youth and always preferred it to kissing men but thought that was just because women were more attentive, it didn’t occur to me I was anything but straight. I’m not attracted to men and came round to idea maybe I’m asexual but actually I am drawn towards women and I’m wondering if I have just repressed my attraction to women and if actually I’m gay. No idea how to go about finding out though as, like you, I don’t want to use someone to experiment. So also interested in whether there are any sites or apps to help facilitate this!

I know you said no dating apps, but my 40yr old friend just found her first girlfriend through Facebook dating.

I think what worries me with dating apps is someone I know recognising me on there and seeing I’m looking for women when I’m not even sure about that myself yet!

Skirt Club!!

It's exactly what you're looking for ❤️

OP, l am a similar age to you and can empathise with your situation. The difference is l know for certain my direction of travel.

l regarded myself as straight until in my 30s, when working away from home, an invite for a pizza and a video opened up new horizons for me, which came as quite a surprise. It also explained some situations from back in my later teens.

These days l tend to regard myself as “sexual” rather than “bisexual”, l simply don’t want the label, but l do enjoy intimacy with both men and women.

l suggest in the first instance you look up the “Kinsey Scale” and try and find out a little more about yourself.

Then it’s on line dating or bars and clubs, although l note you are hesitant. Finally, try not to let another woman think she is some sort of experiment, I’ fairly sure you wouldn’t but think it worth mentioning

There is a lovely fluid rainbow coloured world out there; enjoy it to the full. 🌈

If you are near London - or some other big cities - try Killing Kittens - they have events for women wondering and wanting to explore.
Also - go on Sex board - a while ago there was a similar post. And i think a few of the posters then formed a little supportive community. Someone on that board will point you in the right direction.