Recovering from abusive relationship

[Ephemeralbliss]

It's been 2 years since I left my abusive ex after 7 years of emotional and physical abuse. I won't go into details, but it's been really tough. I'm suffering with various health issues as a direct result of the abuse and generally feeling exhausted. I recently got into a new relationship, but I'm honestly finding it incredibly hard to truly connect with or trust my new partner, or in fact, anyone. I feel almost totally disconnected. Most of the time I prefer to simply be alone and while I know this isn't healthy, I experience no joy from being around others, just anxiety and the desire to retreat and be on my own. On top of that, the stress of leaving the relationship re-triggered my eating disorder (which I'd been recovered from for 10 years) and I've found myself spiralling into really unhealthy eating habits once again as a coping mechanism.
I guess I'm wondering whether anyone has been through anything similar? How long do these feelings last and is there any hope that things will get better?

Hello OP, I have. I left a similar long marriage and am still struggling.

Hiya.

I don’t think you’re ready for a new relationship. Gently. Be alone and work on yourself.

Have you heard of Freedom Programme? I’d look at it.

@lemonadecar sorry to hear you're having a hard time too. How long have you been out of it? I get the feeling it's a long road to recovery.

@LividStrike I think you're probably right. I thought I was in a better place than I actually am and a new relationship isn't helping. Some days I feel ok, but most of the time I feel like I'm taking steps back rather than forward. I did the Freedom Programme when I first came out of the relationship.

Hope you are ok. Not quite where you are but currently planning to leave an emotionally abusive relationship and understand you saying that you just want to retreat and spend time alone. I'm doing some counselling which is helping to build my self esteem and trust myself. I previously did some CBT which focused on gratitude and really helped me. Do you have the means to get some counselling?

If not, I do think doing some gratitude exercises (just google) might help you see some positives each day and also breathing techniques help you to just focus on that and get out of your own thoughts. I swear I was pessimistic when I did these in counselling but they really do help in the moment and the gratitude exercises helped me see a little bit of good in each day when overall the day feels like hell. Even if it's just grateful for a funny podcast you listened to or something.

Hi OP I’m nearly two years out. At the start I pretended everything was ok (for the kids mainly) but despite counselling etc I still am not right.

@Weimlove thanks for the advice, I'll have a look into the gratitude exercises. I did some counselling before and right after I left, but then it started to feel overwhelming so I stopped. Good luck to you on getting out of the relationship, I know how hard it is to make that step and finally leave 💜

I think I did the same thing, I had at least 6 months where I was running on adrenaline and managed to push through. But then the reality of everything I'd been through hit me and I've not been coping well since.
Sending hugs. Let's hope next year is better.

Do you think you could reconsider therapy? Now that things are not so raw it may be of more benefit to you.

You never recover from an eating disorder - you learn to live with it but triggers will always make it return. Abuse also stays with you. It is ok to be on your own and rebuild your strength - it is not unhealthy and being in another relationship is not a solution. Take time for yourself

@HappFridays Yes, sorry I should have been clearer when I said 'recovered.' I was hospitalised for my ED but since then had been doing well and hadn't been in an ED mindset. The stress of the relationship and the aftermath of leaving it has re-triggered the ED to the point it's taking over my life again. It feels like everything is spiralling downwards all at once. I definitely agree with you on taking more time to be alone, I'm just hoping the feeling of not being able to connect with people doesn't last much longer. It's so isolating.