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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can you retrain your brain to NOT find someone annoying?

4 replies

Chickenfeetandsandals · 28/12/2023 23:38

MiL and FiL have always been very different to my own relatives. My side of the family have travelled and have interests in the world beyond the UK (partly due to mixed heritage). My siblings and I are opinionated and have robust discussions, whereas husband's family are all very agreeable and never disagree with each other publicly.
Husband's parents are kind, but we have nothing in common except DH. Since I've had a kid and PND to boot, I have developed a snotty, teenage, defensive attitude around them. I think I've always been a bit amazed at how little interest they have in the world beyond their rural town, but now I find them absolutely maddening. Where has this toxic spike of criticism come from? I really don't like how I act around them these days, snippy and arrogant. I used to be able to smile and take part in somewhat repetitive conversations but now I don't have the energy to mask my feelings and I know it is damaging the dynamic in our extended family. How can I regain that ability to enjoy their company again? Or at least, not be annoyed by their way of doing things? It's like I've lost the will to hide my feelings since Lockdown, but it's important I get this under control before I do some lasting damage. Any thoughts? If not, thanks for reading my inner monologue 😄

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 28/12/2023 23:48

Yes. They sound nice, and you sound a bit up yourself, but the older I get, the more chilled I get, so I’d try to find something in you to value.

SteadyEddi · 29/12/2023 00:06

They sound nice, very normal parents who are community or family focused. Salt of the earth. However I think you’ve put international discussions on some kind of pedestal so they are super elevated. Your families are just different.

SteadyEddi · 29/12/2023 00:08

What’s more important is that when the chips are down, they will be a great support

Baileysandcream · 29/12/2023 00:09

You could start thinking about all the things that you appreciate about them instead of all the things you find irritating. You've said they are kind, what other positives are there?

Why do you have a defensive attitude around them now that wasn't there before? Has something happened to cause this? Might be worth exploring where this feeling is coming from a bit more.

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