I’m turning 40 next year so been dating for at least 20 years
In my 20s I had many boyfriends but I wasn’t mature enough and too busy building my career and travelling
I started dating seriously in my 30s and what a shitshow it has been
I go on many dates, and I am picky in that I screen men, take my time, get to know them for weeks or months before sleeping with them etc
Each and every one has turned out a great disappointment
I don’t have a particular type and I’ve dated men from all walks of life. I even underwent therapy and counselling to figure out what I should be looking for, how to create healthy boundaries and develop a good relationship
Yet:
One boyfriend ghosted me after two years
Another didn’t reveal a serious mental health condition for over a year and his behaviour came to hurt me because he refused to get treatment
Another emotionally abused me
and another lied about wanting to start a family with me wasting precious time
I met most of these men online but some in person through different avenues
All of them kept coming back after I broke up with them - and begging to get back together. I didn’t take any of them back.
I’m a strong and optimistic and have always kept the faith I’d meet someone decent
Yet here I am about to turn 40 and I’ve been on a series of bad dates - and the men are getting worse and worse
I go from feeling sad and lonely, to not caring - I mean, most men are utterly horrendous, trust me, I have the experience to prove it
Yet some men are the best people I know - my father and best friend for example
I just don’t think I can carry on anymore and it makes me so sad as I have so much to give and always wanted a family life
But how much more can I take? Im a human being. Not a robot.
I recently met with a group of women all similar age and experiences - and it made me feel less alone and less of a freak.
I don’t know why I’m posting. It’s upsetting. But then when I think about half of marriages ending in divorce, and how many more relationships will be at breaking point or unhappy, I am relieved. Yet I am losing hope for myself and my future.
I have everything else going for me. Doesn’t mean anything though.