I’m so unhappily married at 30 years old :(

[Booshbishpa]

Hey I’m 30 with 2 young children:
been married 7 years we have had lots of ups and downs. I feel my husband was so happy and laid back when we first met, now he is miserable, snappy. One minute he’s chilled funny, next he is negative.
we split a few years back due to him being aggressive towards me when he was drunk on a night out. We split for 9 months. He stopped drinking and completely changed his life. Now the past 12-18 months he has started drinking again not a lot just a bottle of wine on a Friday night. Couple of pints here and there but I feel like I resent it - why give up for that long then start again! He works so hard , helps around the house. I’m a SAHM. But I would defiantly say I’m more nurturing and hands on with the children he’s quite strict and no patience. Anyway I feel like he’s only happy when it’s us and the kids. He isn’t very social anymore. Everyone annoys him or he has something to say about everyone. The neighbours; people at work. My family - he ** like no other..
we went out with my brother and his partner Boxing Day my brother is so funny he’s laid back jack the lad. And ever since then he’s had digs like “you love your brother more than me” “you laugh at him more than me” I find it cringey. He can talk to me like sometimes too . Hands up sometimes I can start an argument when it’s the time of the month but he doesn’t think twice about calling me a “dkhead” in front of the kids….
then constantly digging about lack of sex or lack of intimacy. We have it at least once a week and that’s only to stop him pestering me.
im in such a rut I really don’t know what to do or where to turn. I know I hold a lot of resentment from the first time we broke up but now that’s he’s slipped back into the same rut I feel I can’t take it anymore. He says I’m too nice. A push over. If I speak to the neighbours or out he says I’m a “lick *” I feel i can’t even be myself anymore! :(
im a nice person and would do anything for anyone but he’s trying to change me to stop being too nice! I hate it I don’t even know who I am anymore it’s so sad.

He’s abusive, and he put on a mask to get you back so you would find it harder to leave him again when he went back to his original self.

Leave him OP, you deserve better.

Frankly OP he sounds horrible! It sounds like you're very unhappy and that's no way to live, especially at 30. I think you should leave him x

I really want too but feel so trapped. I don’t have a job. We rent and every time I say I’m unhappy he says “you know where the door is” I have no where to go and my parents live abroad. I have no money / savings. I’m so lost x

@Booshbishpa Can you find work and start to put a bit away each month without telling hubby?

You need a plan to get free.
find a job, start to save a deposit. Check out entitledto.com to see how much you may get. Get ducks in a row - how much joint savings/his savings/pensions etc. take copies. Get original birth certificates/passports/marriage certificates. look into divorce. Arm yourself with knowledge ready to make your next move.

Can you ask your parents to fund you and the children moving to their country?
Can you get a part time job and save for passports, airfares etc?
Taking in ironing? Work from home call centre job? Making soaps or some other sewn items? Babysitting one other child? Frozen meal or biscuit making? Gardening? Retraining or studying a new profession?

It could take years to gain qualification but it will be worth it in the long term.

How old are you DC?

This is awful to read, you definitely need an exit plan.
Can you call women's aid? Whilst he hasn't been violent, he sounds cruel and pathetic, I'd not want to stay either.

Go join your parents, take the kids.

They'd be better off being raised as far away from this abuser as possible anyway.

We're you happy during your time apart?

It sounds as if the drinking is a major factor, is that right?

If so - how would he react if you asked him to stop again?

Biscuit making or taking in ironing?! It isn't 1950. But I appreciate what you are trying to suggest.

OP is there any job close to you you can get? Any online jobs you can do during school hours? Whatever, you need to make a plan, research options then get out asap, this is no way to live. He sounds awful.

He is a nasty piece of work.
Please contact Women's aid for support.
Tell your parents the truth.
This is not a good man.

Please try and get out OP. Do you want your whole life to be like this?

This is why financial security for yourself is always important. Anyone reading this thread who relies on their partners money, please think about becoming more financially independent. You never know when you might need it.

He sounds horrible. Really horrible. Can you talk to your parents about how unhappy you are? Could they help you make an exit with the kids?

His behaviour is mean, abusive, controlling and sounds like it is sucking all the joy from your life. Your children must be feeling all of this, too. Who calls the mother of their child a ‘dickhead’ in front of their young children? A nasty, disrespectful loser, that’s who.