How not to get depressed when dp is working away

[patheticgirl]

Dp works away quite a bit. I have 2 youngish dcs. I know working away isn't unusual but as soon as dp goes out the door for a period away, I feel myself plummet. Last time he was away, I got quite depressed and am dreading the next time he goes off for any length of time. I have no local support network of family or friends (not long in the area). I wish it didn't affect me so much and wonder how to be less bothered by it. Is it more friends? More hobbies (although can't go out obviously)? Or do I just need to toughen up a bit somehow?!

For those single parents who are gritting their teeth at this, I was a single Mum for quite a few years and honestly never suffered with loneliness or missing someone, as I had no one to miss! In some ways, I felt more stable then as I wasn't constantly adjusting to a partner being there and then going away!

was going to say ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrr at you til i read the single parent part. i guess it is harder when you are used to having someone around then they are going in and out..when i was with dh i used to hate him going to work away when mine were babies.but now they are older and i am single it isnt too hard really! (but i am missing my ex like crazy)

My BIL works away and my sister feels exactly the same as you - the difference being you have no family or friends close by, so it must be very difficult for you.

Why don't you join a Gym or do a course at College, I have met some lovely people doing these. Do you work?

DH used to work away a lot when our DCs were tiny.

I used to break the time up into blocks.

And make sure I got out of the house everyday, without fail.

Park.
Library - usually have storytime for little ones, so chance to meet other families.
Soft play if I was feeling up to it.
Even just a walk into town and back.
Swimming.

Just something to focus on every day.

It is tough though.

And if you think you are truly depressed rather than just lonely and tired from all the responsibility, go and have a chat with your GP.

And please change your posting name - you are not pathetic.

Hi Pathetic (yes,please change)
My dh works away for 6 weeks at a time and has done for 7 years.
I get through it by working,studying and being involved in lots of stuff-sport,community, church and so on.

How old are your children?

Hi, my dh works away a lot too (has been away 4 consecutive nights this week) and you are certainly not alone, I too find things tough sometimes.

I try to look at the positive bits, i.e he has a job, it pays for a mortgage and all the bits that go with it, I'm proud of him! Also, I echo what a previous poster said about getting out and about. I have joined a gym with free creche and I am always in it, loving it! Also, I'm no saint but I do things like have no wine whilst he's away and do what I call 'snacky', healthy evening meals for myself. I'm always a bit lighter when he comes home, and enjoy indulging in a slap-up meal and a bottle of wine when he's home by way of a celebration! When dd1 started school in September, I realised from talking to other mums I am not alone, loads of mums I know have husbands/partners who work away and somehow knowing this makes me feel better. If ever I have a moan with my mum, she is the first to remind me that my Gran coped for 5 years without her other half when the war was on; possibly not relevant now, although let us not forget the wives and girlfriends of those in the armed forces, must be tough.

Joining in too. dh away this weekend and most weeks for a couple of days at a time, and sometimes for up to ten days. am at wits end right now (dd's bedtime - always a challenge) and heading for the gin bottle. dh will return tomorrow lunchtime sleep deprived with hangover and a bag full of washing asking what's for supper.....I have two medical appointments and a full day's work to do tomorrow and nothing in the fridge. he'll probably also 'joke' about the state of the house.

Haven't got any words of wisdom, I'm afraid, but I do find that if I organise enough stuff to do, dd and I sometimes make it to the end of the weekend without falling out, but the downside of that is that it's hugely knackering for me after a full-on week, which I resent, and it can cost a fortune if I'm not careful. I also don't get any of the chores done if we spend the whole time out. Tried to have chill out afternoon today and it didn't work out.......hence at wit's end. And then I feel guilty about being so rotten to dd. But I guess you know all this...

I find this really tough. I make sure we get out every day, and I try to have company at at least one day at weekends too.

Thanks for all your answers. I do work 4 days a week, which keeps me busy during the day - just find the evenings drag. I have every respect for those with services partners - that must really be incredibly tough, which is why I feel a bit pathetic finding a week or two away difficult!

My dcs are not tiny (9 and 6) although my younger one has quite severe SN which is an added complication.

I do try to go out as much as poss and the days aren't really that bad - it's just the evenings! It seems to be so difficult to make close friends, there are quite a few mums I chat to in a superficial kind of way but it's hard to move beyond that, also I don't have a lot of time in the days to invite people round...

The evenings really are hard. I have my studies, TV or reading. I find evenings during the week are OK if I've been out during the day - but I hate it when dh is away over a weekend. That really drags.