Men in bad moods but won’t communicate!

[Loulou560]

Hi
My DP has been in a bad mood for the last few days. We get on well normally, but when he pouts, why doesn’t he tell me what the problem is?
I’m going through a lot personally and openly said I was looking forward for Christmas to be over ( I lost my mother when I was pregnant with first DD 2 years ago), we lost our last surviving Uncle this year, and my father is in hospital with a lot of unanswered questions (we don’t know if he’ll walk again or live independently).
I really need his support right now, not pouting. Most of my friends can’t relate, as they haven’t been through close losses and illness constantly like I have.
Why do men do this? You know, passive aggressive, not being polite, not saying good night, subtle sarcasm (not bad enough to be too obvious, but you know something is wrong)

Your partner is doing this because he can. He does not likely behave this exact way around other people either, this treatment is solely for you.

Sulking behaviour is a form of emotional abuse. Not all men by any means use power and control methods like silence to bring upon their target but your man does. You probably feel like you’re being punished when it’s not your fault at all and the responsibility for his sulking is all his. Men like this too do not change.

I would start to think about life would be like for you without him and his moods in it.

The question is why does HE do this. Many women do similar.

Have you spoken to him about this unreasonable behaviour?

No, not all women act similarly by any means.

Talking to him about this will be a waste of time as he will in all likelihood shut you down.

so you and your child endured this over christmas?

Why do men do this?

why do selfishtwats do this? should be the question op

and the answer is because they are selfish twats

Probably moody because
a. it's the holidays and arseholes like to spoil those
and b. you need support from him, and arseholes resent being expected to give.

On a scale of 1-10 , how much do you hate men?

The OP needs to talk to her DH about this and get to the bottom of the problem, posting on here isn't going to get to the bottom of the problem.

She will just get a load of responses telling her she should leave him , not going to help anyone is it?

I do not hate men but I hate men who abuse women through silent treatment aka sulking.

Do you really think that a cosy chat or chats with him will achieve anything?. The responsibility for his sulking behaviour is all his. He is punishing her through silent treatment for some transgression she has done in his head. The op does not need to act as a rehab centre for such a badly raised man.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

I do not hate men but I hate men who abuse women through silent treatment aka sulking.

and replace men with women? still feel the same?

estd1869

Abuse is never acceptable from either men or women. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

The Ops partner here is a man so writing about how much I hate men or otherwise is irrelevant and detracts from the OPs actual post.

Don't look to hide the horrible behaviour of your husband under 'men'.

And fwiw I do not hate men. I just hate abusive people end of.

Jesus do we have to derail this with #notallmen?

To return to the issue at hand a PERSON who is sulky, withdrawn, moody, snd sarcastic when their partner needs support is, alas, probably doing the best they can—that is by way of saying that there is nothing you can say that will change their behavior. They are either or both a shitty person or emotionally incompetent. Thats either by choice or upbringing. They won’t change. This behavior works for them. If you don’t like it—and you shouldn’t—then LTB because they won’t change. Read Jamais Dadors five year thread on leaving her sulky husband.

I know this is pedantic, but I didn't say 'all women act similarly'.

My point is what matters is why this specific person does it, and whether they might stop.

Or if they are just a lifelong arse.

Back to the point.

He is acting selfishly. You ask why men do this but that's not the point. The point is your man does this and you want to know why. I reckon it's cos he's got off with it for many years and this is normal to him?

Men don't do this.

The man you are with does.

My framing it as a general 'men' issue, you can convince yourself there's nothing you can do about it because the next man will be no different. It also presumes that any woman whose partner doesn't behave like this is in that position because she found the magic combination of words to make him stop. She didn't.

What would your life look like without him in it?

Sorry but I think you need to talk more to friends. Modern women seem to think their partner should be their everything. Friend, confident, cheerleader, equality in every thing. I lived in a poor working class town where women talked and shopped with their mums and sisters and old school friends. Marriages survived better as there was less pressure and expectations on relationships.

Maybe he has just had enough of listening to you ! Sorry but us ladies do go on a bit and men tend to deal with their problems by thinking them through on their own. Neither is right or wrong just different. Maybe join a bereavement group or network, although I warn you that you will have to listen to a lot of other people's woes. Sorry, but as always. You can't change other people but you can change how you react to them. Hope your Dad improves soon.

Haha, yes! No divorce or cheating in working class families!

Arseholes gotta arse.

I can't stand the sulky sullen guess what's wrong silent treatment.

It's a form of controlling bullying. Emotional manipulation. And complete lack of communication skill.

Could be down to upbringing - what are his parents and siblings like?

Or it could just be he enjoys seeing you anxious and on edge.