I really don't know how to handle this

[Sonny53]

Please be kind I know I'm stupid but have been very vulnerable.

I met a group of people in an unusual setting.
Some of us continued to stay in touch to support each other.

I have a really close relationship with the girls of the group, the men not as much as they are quite a bit younger.

I was going through a really tough time a few months ago. One of the men, let's call him Jay was a real support, messaging and phoning.
Stupidly after a few wines the talk turned sexual. I thought it was just a bit of fun and had absolutely no plans to turn it into anything due to our age difference.

This went on for about a week, to be honest it was a huge ego boost and made me feel important and desirable.

Neither of us are in a relationship and after about a week it stopped. We both have a lot going on, he promised it will go no further and he wouldn't say anything to the others.

He said he would contact me in a few weeks. He then blocked me. I was a bit upset as we were good friends before. I felt embarrassed and stupid but I knew nothing would come of it so wasn't upset but a bit hurt that he had lead me down that path especially when he knew how vulnerable I was.

One of the girls lives quite far away and one in another country.

The one in another country is over for a few days and is trying to arrange a meet up with us all.
I really don't want to see this guy but I'm terrified he will tell the others (if he hasn't already).
I would feel so ashamed if they found out because they would look at me differently and I have a very close bond with them and would hate to lose their friendship.

They have not set a date yet, I'm trying to be hazy about when I'm available so I could just make n excuse and then meet up with my friend alone.

I could just say I'm not well but would really like to see her. Should I make an excuse? See her and tell her? I just don't know what to do for the best??

I tried messaging him so we could talk but I'm still blocked.

This all sounds very teenage drama-y
OP, from what I can read, you're a grown woman.
Could you please man up and stop overreacting for a moment.

So you had a few flirty, sexual texts with a younger man. So what? This isn't the dark ages. What's there to be so embarrassed about?
You'd lose your friendships with this group over something as silly as this? Then they weren't good friends to begin with.

I think you need to take responsibility for your own actions tbh. The fact he blocked you suggests he was serious about stopping things. I don't imagine he will say anything to the others.

OP's first sentence:

Please be kind I know I'm stupid but have been very vulnerable.

Too big an ask for you, @Hbosh?

I’m almost sure he won’t say anything either. Firstly nobody would care and would likely think badly of him for mentioning it- hardly good manners. I’d also agree he meant it and blocked you to protect you both.

You are vulnerable so you can decide not to attend or to meet her alone but fretting over a few daft texts isn’t necessary. Even if the worst happened and he did say something you can have a ready response which implies you were both a bit silly but since you are consenting adults it’s a non issue.

From what you've described it sounds very unlikely that he'd mention it. And if he did, what would he say? @Sonny53 and I shared some sexts? You're all adults, it's hardly a major event. He was pretty unpleasant in blocking you, having not given you a heads up that anything was wrong.

What jumps out is that you feel a lot of shame about this minor, hands-free sexual behaviour. Seems unnecessary and is causing you excessive stress.

What can he tell them? I was sexting her then I blocked her.
I'd go on the group weekend. Focus on strengthening friends with the other women. If he has his eye on somebody else, well, god love her, it's no reflection on you. It's up to you, don't put yourself through a get together that would be an awful ordeal but what could he have said? I'd say the likelihood is that he's said nothing. Worst case scenario and he said something like, yeh, we sexted for a bit. People might be a bit surprised but if you show up and act like fine whatever hello with him, nobody will believe any narrative he's put out there that you wanted a relationship with him. The best way to quash any rumour is to act normal act normal act normal.

Yeah. I'd second act normal and don't draw attention to things by ignoring him. I speak from experience though I'd nothing to be ashamed of!

I guess it's just that we all grew so close and I feel guilty if he told the girls and I haven't said anything to them.

Maybe I am being childish @Hbosh but I'm not in a very good place mentally at the moment.

Thank you to the others for your kind replies

Vulnerable or not hard times tough times all the same.
But you should know wrong from right.
Sounds like a bunch of teenage dramas.
Not worth getting into.

Agreed with the others. Go along and say nothing. My guess is he blocked you because he felt things might go too far. You are both adults and consensual sexting is not illegal x

"Wrong from right"? Are you on the wrong thread, @starynightskys? Easy mistake!

OP you haven't even really been stupid at all? You're both consenting adults. I dread to think how many sexy texts I've sent in my time then regretted them a bit later when the mood departed

I would just go and not say anything. The worst thing you can do is make a big deal of it, or build it up in your own head. It was only a few texts. Act like it never happened!

Also he is very unlikely to say anything I think. Mainly because it's just not that big of a deal. It only seems that way because you're embarrassed

Even if he did, the others would likely not bat an eyelid or think any differently of you - and if they did, personally I wouldn't want much to do with them after that. It's sexting not murder!

@auntyElle thank you x

I think you’re overthinking this and worrying about nothing.
Though I note you said you met in an unusual setting and all the males were considerably younger. Is there any reason your worrying for example it’s a teacher-pupil thing or similar inappropriate power dynamic.

Omg @CommonSenze no nothing like that at all.

Without giving too much away it was more like a support group.
There were older men there too but the 5 of us grew really close.

I guess I'm worried that if he paints a picture of me chasing him it's embarrassing.

He is 30 and I am 50 so I would be mortified if the others knew!

Although he is very very mature for his age and we initially bonded over things that had happened in our past.

Stop being mortified. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, it's him being childish and blocking you. I doubt he will say anything but if he does so what, you're human and it's not embarrassing to have fun. Maybe you just have low self confidence (if so, work on it) or if you've put yourself in a position of moral authority in the group then having it come out will be good for your growth :)

Thank you @Csharpminor

No I definitely don't take the moral high ground.
Im quite the opposite. Just feel like a silly old woman 😓

Same! 😁

Totally agree with this response.

Don't feel silly, OP.

Was it fun? Yes. Did you enjoy it? Yes.

Is he likely to have told anyone? No. And, if he has, he'll look like a bit of a dick.

I'm pretty confident no one would think any the less of you even if he did. If someone told me something like that, I'd think poorly of them for breaking what will have been a confidential and private matter but think nothing less of the other person. It wouldn't be any of my business.

I'm not quire sure why you'd feel guilty that you hadn't told the other women. It's none of their business!

When you're vulnerable and not in a good place mentally, these things seem so much bigger, more important and more significant than they ae in reality. It doesn't matter how close you are to the other women, you're still entitled to a private life.

Agree with the above.