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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trying to repair relationship

3 replies

Mistyroad · 28/12/2023 13:40

Hi , I've been with my partner 25 years and we've been going through some bad times this last couple of years.
It's got to the point where I was going to move out a couple of weeks ago. My partner started crying and said he was depressed, so I felt terrible and said I would stay, he said he would get counselling which he's in the process of sorting. He's just carrying on like everything is fine, I'm so confused because nothing has really changed between us , I still think leaving is a better option but he's told me that because we're not married and my name isn't on the mortgage, that I'm not entitled to anything, this really annoyed me has I've put my career on hold to bring up our son and could only go back part time to work so my pension etc isn't great.
I just don't know if I can live with a man who I think doesn't see me has his equal , I feel like im a lodger and it's not my home anymore.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 28/12/2023 13:50

I think you should talk to Women's Aid asap and see a solicitor as soon as you can get an appointment; he sounds calculating, controlling and financially abusive.
Do you have a safe way to leave? Can you afford to manage without him? Would staying actually guarantee you any financial security?
If you aren't married and you aren't on the mortgage, its unlikely you would inherit anything on his death.

Hbosh · 28/12/2023 13:56

OP, I'm sorry to say but you've been quite foolish if you've been with this man for 25 years, not expected him to marry you (or have legal partnership - in some countries this holds the same value as marriage) and let him purchase property without adding your name to the mortgage.
Did the feminist movement teach you nothing?
Putting your carreer on hold to look after the children, and not having anything in writing to assure your future? Come on! You can't be this stupid.

And now he has a way to hold you hostage.
Get your legal situation sorted ASAP please!

Mistyroad · 28/12/2023 14:14

We've been engaged 20 years but never married, it's only the last couple of years we've had problems so I never really thought about being on the mortgage etc.
I've got some money put by if i need to rent a place , but I feel like I deserve at least something, especially because I'm the one who's updated the house and made it a home for him.
I've spoken to a solicitor and he said I could take him to court but it would be a long drawn out process and cost alot of money , and no guarantee that I'd get anything in the end.
I'm just so angry that he thinks life can just go on after saying this about the house.

OP posts:
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