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Original poster

Christmas with his ex wife

17 replies

Linda409 · 28/12/2023 09:18

I have been seeing this man for two years on and off. Mostly off! We started seeing each other a few weeks before Christmas and obviously people’s plans were made. Fair enough but…. He always Christmas Day with his ex. He says it’s important for his son who has bi polar and can’t be upset. Okay. Then on Boxing Day he went to his daughters house. His daughter was also present on Christmas Day and ex wife will also go.
Today they are all meeting again for soup at Daughters house.
d is 24 son is 25. None of them know about me. I get that family is important but I can’t commit to a man who can’t make time for me - oh apart from NYE when I can stay over. For sex. Thanks

OP posts:
Alwaysdieting · 28/12/2023 09:27

Im sorry but I would get rid of him. Youve been together 2 years and they dont know about you.
Also they are arnt little children. It sounds a bit weird.
No you will always be 2nd best and no one deserves that.
Move on thats my advice and good luck to you.

Eekmystro · 28/12/2023 09:40

Well you know where his priorities are, so it’s up to you how you respond. Personally I’d end the relationship. If it’s been on and off for 2 years it sounds like you have already wasted enough time on him.

I don’t necessarily think his prioritising of his family is wrong, but obviously it is wrong for you. Sounds like he is happy with the current set up.

Csharpminor · 28/12/2023 10:04

Two years on and off? "on and off" doesnt sound serious. How often do you spend time together? If this is part of a larger pattern of him not being that keen on you then he just doesn't seem that into you and it's a relationship of convenience. Nothing wrong with that if it's what you both want, but if you want a more committed relationship then it may have to be elsewhere and leave with no bad feelings from your side.
If you want to get truth out of him don't start with "I want this and you dont" or "you dont care about me, if you did you would do X..." it'll force him to say he does care "but". Instead without judgement ask him considerately how he sees your relationship and long term plans and what he has in mind.

VanityDiesHard · 28/12/2023 10:30

His 'ex' wife isn't an ex.

stepintochristmas1 · 28/12/2023 10:36

You seem to want more commitment than is suitable for an on off relationship .Of course he is going to put family first over an on off relationship .

Deargodletitgo · 28/12/2023 10:39

My DP spent day with ex and kids, and off to another event with them tonight. They know about me, and I have met them but his ex can't be trusted not to make some weird passive aggressive comments so I choose not to spend time with her.

You sound like very much a side piece to his life I'm afraid

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/12/2023 10:44

Chuck him in the bin. You don't want to spend a lifetime like this.

Olika · 28/12/2023 10:48

Do yourself a favour and dumb him for good. Start the new year from a fresh page.

HowAmYa · 28/12/2023 10:50

'On and off' is a term for teenage relationships.

This will NEVER have a happy ending. Cut your losses and don't allow yourself to get into another situation like this. Once it's off...its off!

CommonSenze · 28/12/2023 12:56

I think you already know the answer.
He doesn’t seem to love, respect or care about you.
I think he’s just using you for sex.

Dweetfidilove · 28/12/2023 13:04

This one is on you, OP.

He's made it clear enough you’re not a priority, so will you turn up for NYE sex?

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2023 13:04

You've been on and off for two years but mostly off. He's spent all of Christmas with his ex and you only feature NYE because he'll expect sex.
It's pretty black and white isn't it?

MMmomDD · 28/12/2023 13:06

You are barely dating - mostly OFF as you said. Sounds more like you have been occasionally hooking. And reconnected again just before Xmas…

Not sure why you think it’s your place to expect he ditches plans with his kids - just because they have grown up doesn’t mean they stop being his family.

You don’t yet have a relationship where partners meet family and friends. And - i am guessing - with your attitude it’s clear why.

Whataretheodds · 28/12/2023 13:08

i can’t commit to a man who can’t make time for me - oh apart from NYE when I can stay over. For sex.
And indeed why would you want you?
He's made it clear what's on offer for you and it's crumbs. Wouldn't do it for me either.

Knock it on the head and move on.

Gettingbysomehow · 28/12/2023 13:13

A bi-polar person can't be upset? Do they keep him locked in the cellar then? I've never heard anything so ridiculous. Dump this idiot.

Rachaelrachael · 28/12/2023 13:17

Dump, move on

Pretying · 28/12/2023 14:50

You have been listening to some rediculous excuses.

He's using you.

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