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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Love sick

6 replies

confiscatedtables · 28/12/2023 01:13

I miss him so much and can't stop thinking about him. How can I move on with my life and stop thinking about the what ifs? How can I stop obsessing over him? When will this cycle of toxic thinking end? He is living his own life and moving forward. I need to as well but it's so hard.

OP posts:
Pretying · 28/12/2023 01:17

I'm sorry that sounds hard.

Were you together long, heartbreak is devastating.

Snacx · 28/12/2023 08:04

Accept that if you were meant to be you'll be regardless of any obstacle so you are either not destined or will be united later on. You can't force someone to love you.

Make a list if all the qualities you love about him, personal and physical. Then make another list of all his flaws and all the ways he hurt you, all the things and options he could have used to be with you but didn't.

Then look at the 'love' list again and ask whether it's possible to find them in another man? They say if you found one, you can find another.

Then delete, erase, lock up and put away all memories and reminders of him.

Then put that thoughts energy on your self improvement. Any time you catch your brain drifting to him, remind yourself of something from the 'bad' list about him and yank yourself back to the present.

Make some positive changes in your life, get a haircut, move furniture around, listen to different music, book a holiday or plan days out and actually go out and meet people.
Exercise a lot, learn new recipes.

Let him go, if it's meant to be it will be. You don't need to keep going back and fourth in your head about it because it's out of your hand. Nobody is unique on this earth, you can find someone like him or better but you need to focus on yourself and change this 'scarcity mindset'.

Snowflake144 · 28/12/2023 08:20

Try to focus on yourself, put time into doing something for you, for example a hobby that makes you feel good about yourself. Hopefully if you put all of your energy into something else, you'll realise that you're not thinking about him so much. It's a tough situation though but I promise you'll get there eventually.

confiscatedtables · 28/12/2023 10:12

Thank you for all this kind advice.

OP posts:
PersephonePomegranate23 · 28/12/2023 10:16

How long were you together? You're going through a grieving process and the length of time it'll take to cycle through will be influenced partly by how long you were together.

Make plans, focus on the positives, your life is now open to other exciting possibilities! Make time to feel sad, loss, whatever it is you feel but keep it in its place.

Lesina · 28/12/2023 10:18

In my experience he was an utter cunt. Not worth the salt of your tears. Head high, move on. You can absolutely do this.

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