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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I Ungrateful?

11 replies

Deewt · 27/12/2023 21:35

I so wanted my husband to choose my Xmas gift. Turns out my daughter chose it and paid for it from my husband. He didn't even go with her to the shop. I just wanted a little effort. He says I am ungrateful. Am I?

OP posts:

CatOnTheLap · 28/12/2023 12:11

If it makes you feel any better (it won’t), I suspect my Christmas presents from DP were bought and wrapped by his ex-wife!

Hbosh · 28/12/2023 12:21

Deewt · 27/12/2023 21:35

How old is your daughter?
Do you know why your daughter did this?
Did she feel like she wanted to get you a present and offered to?
Or did she do it because she knows you've asked for a present and it would cause tension between you two if he doesn't have one for you?
Has your husband convinced her of his incompetence and pawned this task off to her?

These details matter.

Original poster

Deewt · 28/12/2023 14:11

Hi thanks for the message. My daughter is 20 and I suspect he gave her the task as he could not be bothered and she was more concerned that I had a present. My husband just didn't understand when I tried to explain how much it would have meant if he had some part in it. He thinks I am ungrateful and just can't see.my point. So I feel very confused

OP posts:

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2023 14:20

No, I don't think you're ungrateful here. You just wanted him to make a little bit of effort and he probably didn't.

Notthatcatagain · 28/12/2023 14:25

My husband has history for being really rubbish at buying gifts so when I noticed a considerable improvement in the stuff I was getting I rightly concluded that he was getting help from our daughter. To be honest I was very grateful, no more power tools on our anniversary was a big bonus

Hbosh · 28/12/2023 14:59

You're absolutely right to be upset.
Buying a present shows you care, and he's shown you that he doesn't care.
I'd be angry as well.

LizHoney · 28/12/2023 20:52

CatOnTheLap · 28/12/2023 12:11

If it makes you feel any better (it won’t), I suspect my Christmas presents from DP were bought and wrapped by his ex-wife!

Ouch!

pictoosh · 28/12/2023 20:54

He can see your point...unless he's thick Is he thick?

Original poster

Deewt · 28/12/2023 22:00

Thanks all for your messages. Being told I was ungrateful was making me feel so confused and led me to question my feelings.

Thank you all for responding, means such a lot.

OP posts:

Rocknrollstar · 28/12/2023 22:39

I always make sure my daughter knows what i went and she drops hints to my husband. But he buys them (as far as I know).

Original poster

Deewt · 08/04/2024 09:49

My husband very rarely.comes to bed with me...

Am I going mad. My husband very rarely comes to bed with me. He stays on his computer or falls asleep in the front room. I've asked him so many times just to try coming to bed even if only twice a week so we can connect. It is really getting me down that he eventually comes to bed once I am asleep at like 2am. Am I being selfish. He tells me it is not that deep. I do not know what to do anymore.

OP posts:

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