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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend jumping the gun?

2 replies

Pegasus41 · 27/12/2023 21:20

So I’m buying a new family home, the plan is that it’s initially for me & my kids. Then DP and his son (who don’t live with us) will move in a bit further down the line. DP has no money to put into it, all his equity is tied up in an investment flat we co-own and rent out. My issue is that he’s just told his son (age 8) that we’re pooling our resources to buy a big place together where we can all live and he showed him the house online. (I’mbuying it not the two of us, though we’ll share utility/upkeep bills etc). I haven’t told my kids (age 8 & 6) yet the plan about eventual blending, I feel they’re not ready for it. So they are thinking of it as a new home for me and them only as that’s what it will initially be.

DP and I have been together two years and have managed things gradually with the kids, we have actually only recently told them all we’re together. We did meet up with kids sometimes but acted as friends in front of them. My DP has never even stayed over at my place before.

My DP justified to me that he said this to his son so his DS would feel like it’s his home too, and not just that he’s moving into my house. But we’re not even planning for them to move in just yet. And the sale hasn’t even reached completion.

I do want them to feel like it’s their home when they eventually move in, so need to square that with the fact that I really feel atm that it’s my money, my house etc…

Thoughts?

OP posts:
flowerchild2000 · 27/12/2023 21:27

Could this be emotional manipulation? It sounds a little sketchy. It's also terrible parenting. Will his son be over much? If so he's definitely going to say something about it being my house, or which room is mine, when are we moving in, etc. to which your kids will argue with naturally. Or he will just be confused and feel left out. It was a bad idea to tell him that! Hopefully he will forget as kids do!
DP needs to learn boundaries and some parenting skills. He should have talked to you about it first as well. Good thing you are taking things very slow, you should keep an eye on this!

Peoplemakemedespair · 27/12/2023 21:50

And this is why I don’t believe in blended families. I can just imagine the upset it will cause your children the next time they see his dc, and he starts talking about the lovely big house that you’re all going to move in to together

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