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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DS and moving in with DP

7 replies

LondonFire · 27/12/2023 19:50

Namechanged for this.

DP and I have been together for 4 years. I have a DS who is 11. DS and DP get on fine but I wouldn’t say they’re close. DS’ father is very involved and sees him 3/4 times a week so DP isn’t in the step dad role. We have been on holidays as a family of 3 and DP has seen my ds once/twice for 4 and a half years. He is kind to DS and cares about his wellbeing but he is very mum my DP rather than DP’s step dad if that makes sense? DS likes DP as well.

We have finally purchased a house together and moved in 3 weeks ago. Things are going well but I feel like DP is slightly struggling with the change of going from a flat for 1 person (albeit with me being there 3 nights a week) to a 4 bed house living full time with 2 others. DP works from home and has been used to having lazy mornings in basic silence whereas now he has us both getting ready, usual noises in the morning etc.

I suffer a lot from anxiety and feel like I cannot relax. I asked DP today how he was feeling and he admitted he felt overwhelmed but assured me he is happy and that things just take time

I don’t really know what I’m asking but maybe just some reassurance that this is normal? As I say nothing has happened, things are fine and DS is absolutely no trouble but I just worry that DP is hating his ‘new life’ and then feel guilty on DS that I feel this way if that makes sense?

OP posts:
LondonFire · 27/12/2023 19:51

Sorry that first paragraph is mean to say once/twice a week for 4 years not once/twice in 4 years!

OP posts:
Lennon80 · 27/12/2023 19:53

he was living in a flat for one and now in a four bed house - he should be delighted. I think don’t worry about it!!

LondonFire · 27/12/2023 19:57

@Lennon80 it was a very nice flat 😅 probably nicer than our new house!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/12/2023 20:03

He'll get used. You need to stop overthinking things.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 27/12/2023 20:06

Don’t ruin this by Making A Thing of it.

Don’t tiptoe too much or apologise. Living in a family set up is a lovely pleasure even if there are some drawbacks that take some getting used to.

MistletoeandJd · 27/12/2023 22:17

I threw my dp in from his 1 bedroom bedsit where he would have his 2 dc eow to a 3 bedroom with me and 3 kids + his 2 eow. It does take time but he will adapt around it. Try find out what his fundamental chill things in his routine are and try accommodate this simple things like a evening bath at x time or doing y hobby on Wednesday ect

Despair1 · 26/05/2024 12:28

Congratulations on your house purchase and moving in together. I think you are overthinking things. You will all adapt to the changes, it is normal to have a period of adjustment.

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